contest winners

announcing the winners of the "guess the name" (and other stuff) contest:

Grandpa W and Mindy Tierney correctly guessed her birthday (Dec 1), although Mindy wins the tiebreaker b/c she guessed in August, and grandpa guessed after we knew that was the induction date.

KatieK and Krista Work correctly guessed her length (20").

StelmoDad was closest for weight (just one oz shy of 7-3).

pretty much everyone correctly guessed brown hair.

and finally, Erin B. correctly guessed her name. The amazing thing is, she correctly guessed Caleb's name last time! she may have had the inside track however, being mama's former roommate, and mama may also have dropped a couple extra hints inadvertently. but even still, she has quite the insight. once again, she was pretty close with the middle name, guessing Jane (which is my mom's name). if the need arises, we're planning on asking her what our other children should be named, so we dont have to bother deciding for ourselves.

thanks for playing! send me your mailing address to collect your prize. perhaps we'll play again in 2009 or so.

long weekend

as mama reports, we had a very good long weekend together. somehow I caught the cleaning bug and did all the floors and dusting and such. still no baby however, despite the nudging from the midwife this morning. we'll try again on Wednesday, but it's looking more and more like Thursday will be the big day.

go, labor on

yesterday (Thanksgiving) we decided to sing some songs of thanks before we got up from the breakfast table. having sung the classic "Let all things now living," Michelle turned to find another in the hymnal. having arrived at her chosen page, I looked up and saw "Go, Labor On" on the opposite page, and of course hilarity ensued (if you're reading this you probably know that her due date was yesterday). Michelle thought this was especially funny, letting out the heartiest of belly laughs, and exclaiming so much that we could see the hangy-downy-thing dance in the back of her throat. Caleb wasnt quite sure what to make of all that, but I think he figured out we were having a good time.

so we decided to try to sing it, but we're both pretty bad at sight reading. fortunately I figured out that we could sing that song to the tune of "Jesus Shall Reign" (aka Duke Street), so we sang out all six verses, stopping to laugh at especially funny and/or poignant lines like "tis not for naught", "what are men?", "while it is day", and "faint not" (if you recall, I briefly fainted during labor last time (I shall never watch them dig for her veins again)). so here's a link to Go, Labor On and our preferred tune is this one.

no baby yet, but we've at least found our fight song. today we got a few more things done around the house, and hung out with Julie and Rich. we also got the Christmas tree up and lit as we jammed to Sufjan, Grisman, and Amy Grant. hopefully by tomorrow we'll have the other Christmas stuff done. we're ready for you baby girl, and when you're ready, maybe we'll sing a bit of "Go, Labor On" as you make your way home.

soon

baby girl's due date is very soon. in fact, the midwife wont let us go very far into next week if she doesnt show up sooner. this is a little surprising and disappointing, but it may also be a mind-game on her part: telling us that she'll induce labor next week could possibly get Michelle to relax enough to get the baby to come on her own before then. but the question is, if you know it's a mind game, does the mind game still work?

either way, we're not too keen on inducing labor, as it's universally reported to be much harder that way, so we're praying she'll come before then. we may try a few of the natural remedies to induce labor. but even if we end up being induced, we trust that God has worked out all the details already, and we pray that He'll give us all the strength to work through it. so please pray for us and get your guesses in before it's too late.

counting down

less than a week to go, and I'm starting to get impatient, or at least I was last night. I just want to hold my little girl! yet we still pray that God will bring her in His timing, as He certainly knows better than we do. mama's washing the windows and we're trying to enjoy the last few days of calm. plus the neighbors all have the flu, so it'd be nice to have that be done with before we send Caleb over there to hang out while we're out having the baby.

meanwhile a couple random things:

Caleb LOVES his blocks. he's usually carrying them around the house, and we call him peg-leg when he's crawling around with one, as you can hear it clacking on the wood floor every step. so it shouldnt have been surprising that I found a long skinny one in the foot of his jammies this morning. my only guess is that he was holding it while I was changing him and somehow slipped it in there. so he slept with a block cozied up to his foot last night. oh and he's walking quite well now. he can walk across the house on his own now and is clearly having fun with it.

in music news, I just got the brand new release from Indelible Grace, called "Beams of Heaven." very good stuff, but not as mellow as the previous album (which I prefer), and not as many memorable tunes yet. I think there's a couple worth trying to do for church, and nearly all are good listening. and Caleb likes dancing to it of course.

for church this week, we're doing a modernized rendition of I Need Thee Every Hour (the version that's on Randall Goodgame's CD, with a funky F#7 in there). I'm excited to have Shaun on the drum this time, and hopefully we can get Beth Ann involved on vocals soon, as she's trying to shake her "strictly formal" image. hopefully for Chirstmas we'll be doing a version of "O Come, O Come" that's a slight nod to Sufjan's version. Joe loves E-minor, and it loves him back.

come soon, but no rush

just about 2 weeks until baby girl is due to arrive! when Caleb's arrival was a couple weeks out, I was completely hyper about him coming. I just wanted to see and hold my little boy in my arms. I was going more than a little nuts, as you can read here.

and that's true about our little girl too, as I want nothing more than to see her and hold her very soon. I'm even more excited now that we found out I can help deliver her if I want. I'm pretty sure I want to, but just a little nervous that I'll drop her or something. we'll see what happens when the big moment comes.

so I'm excited about her coming, but at the same time I dont mind that she's not quite here yet, as I'm appreciating every moment with Caleb, who is in his last days as an only child. I have no idea how things will change, but I know it will be different for a while at least. we're praying that he'll do well with the adjustment to having a little sister.

so until she arrives we have fun building blocks (he can stack 4 not-very-stackable blocks all by himself), having tickle-fests, playing with the dog, and zooming around the house together. he's at such a fun age that we find ourselves asking if everyone has this much fun with their kids? we're excited to have the love and fun multiply very soon.

strange dreams

less than a month until baby girl is due to arrive! mama is in full nesting mode these days, as she's got a bunch of projects going on at once: a wall-hanging for baby girl (with her name on it), a fall wreath for the door, and some other stuff I've lost track of. it's really nice to see her with energy again, although she definitely gets on one-track, but Caleb has survived it so far.

we're trying to enjoy our last weeks with Caleb as our only child. thankfully he has been doing very well lately. his teething has subsided for now, and he really enjoys playing by himself with his Legos. not that he can put the duplos together very well yet, but he likes to dig through the boxes and just play around with them and take them apart. he's also starting to parrot the things that we say, which is a lot of fun as he's been picking up a few words here and there.

we both had strange dreams about baby girl the other night. I dreamed that somehow I missed the birth, but she had really long dark hair (with bangs). when I saw her I was so overwhelmed at how beautiful she was that I just cried and cried. after I woke up I couldnt stop thinking about how cute she was. mama's dream was a bit stranger, as she was a he, and he had 3 eyes. yikes. maybe that's making up for my missing one?

so come on little girl, we're waiting for you! mama wants to finish her projects, and then we'll be ready. I still think the big day will be December 1, but we'd love to see you as soon as you're ready.

busy, waiting

in the last weeks before baby girl arrives, I've found that I'm busier than perhaps I should be. there's church music, more church music, helping a friend with a website he's building, Bible study, work, looking after Caleb, watching baseball playoffs, spending time with friends, making Christmas presents, keeping the kitchen clean, and getting various stuff ready for baby girl. not to mention helping Mama with some around-the-house stuff she doesnt have the energy for these days.

these are worthy endeavors, but stacked together it's made things a little crazy. mama is ready to be done being pregnant (until at least 2008 or so), Caleb is getting fussier these days, and even the dog is getting clingy (can they tell the new baby will be here soon?). hopefully soon I'll be done with a couple of the things on the list. one of the most important things to suffer amidst the the craziness is time with Michelle, so we're feeling distant on top of it all.

so I've decided to make a list or two of stuff to take care of and not add anything to it if at all possible. less bloggy stuff, and less TV sports too. more Bible, more sleep, more beer. I know things will get crazy when the baby arrives, so it would be nice to have a few weeks of calm.

so things may get quiet in this space for the next month or so, besides perhaps the latest cuteness from Caleb. we're counting down the days until baby girl's arrival. please pray for Michelle especially, and for all of us as life will change very soon.

sneak preview

we had a great weekend with family, as my parents as well as my grandfather and his wife came into town. it was the first time Caleb got to meet his great-grandpa, so we had a very nice time together. pictures and more about that later.

after everyone left, we were all a bit tired and cranky but we were still a ways from bedtime. there's nothing like getting out of the house to help everyone deal with fussiness, so we were off to the church picnic at the park. it was a beautiful day for hanging out, though the weather was a bit odd, with a constant yet warm breeze. so we got to hang out with the Wells family, among others.

Michelle also got to hold our newest neighbor, as you can see here. (DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT OUR NEW BABY.) this is Lauren, who was born a little while ago, but she was quite early, so she's just now about newborn size. as you can imagine, holding such a tiny little girl was quite an eye-opener for what is to come for us very soon (due in less than 2 months, in fact). Caleb was quite interested in the baby and reached out to touch her leg. well at first it was more like hitting (but not too hard), so we reminded him to "be gentle" (we've been practicing this with the dog with moderate success). he caught on pretty quickly, so we're hopeful he'll treat his little sister well.

the baby started crying, and Caleb wanted mama too and Michelle was a tad overwhelmed at the very real prospect of having 2 needy kids. but we try to remember we had similar thoughts about having just 1 not long ago, and God blessed us and took care of us.

here's a slide show of some of the other picnic pics. I've been trying out flikr again, although they've been having recent outtages. I dont want to abandon our family site, but their "uploadr" makes things very easy. other weekend stories and pics coming soon.

new baby, new toy

we got a new digital camera when Caleb was on the way, so it only seemed fair to get something for baby girl's arrival. not that we have the cash lying around for new electronics, but there's always the "early Christmas present" trick. so, after consulting the deal master, we got a new Canon ZR200 for a mere $234 (using two dell coupons and a rebate). but we're not allowed to play with our new toy till the baby girl arrives (around Thanksgiving).

so thanks Jacob for the deal-wheeling, and thanks to all the grandparents for funding the early present. I guess underneath the Christmas tree will be a little bare, but we'll be too busy making movies of the kids to notice. and if I figure out an easy enough way to get videos online, this may just turn into a video blog too.

kick

I felt the baby girl kick this morning! very, very cool. she's at 24 weeks as of tomorrow, and according to the charts, she's about a foot long and just over 1 pound, and mama says she likes to move. I'm sure Thanksgiving (her due date) will be here before we know it.

baby names, friends

dont forget about the baby name contest. winners receive fabulous prizes! and speaking of, for your inspriation and entertainment, I present to you the coolest applet on the web: the NameVoyager. it's quite addictive, and if you have a living room full of friends with you, you might just be sitting there entering names in for hours on end. quite the modern parlor game.

anyway, it seems to be the time of year when friends come and go. I guess being still closely associated with academic types makes August a transition month. some old college friends are coming back into town. Joel and Jenny and the girls are returning very soon, and I saw Sarah D back from Slovakia the other day too.

but the hardest part will be losing our best friend Sarah, who is going to grad school in CT for a few years. she's very close with Michelle, and I've known her for 10 years now, which is somewhat amazing to me. alls I got to say is that she better come back, and she better visit often. we will miss her greatly.

guess the name II

it's a girl!!!

we're having a girl! we just found out, so I'm still trying to process all of what that means. we're so excited, and we love the name we have picked out. she was still pretty shy, so the lady had to keep trying from different angles, and she finally got the shot she was looking for to confirm that yes indeed, the new baby is a girl! woohoo!!!

we always said we wouldnt want frilly lacy stuff for our girl(s), and I know the grandparents are going to have a hard time resisting. but suddenly I find myself drawn to it. good thing there's Old Navy: pink, cute, but not over-the-top. I just couldnt resist:

hiding

well my guess was correct: the baby didnt reveal his/her gender! it wasnt for lack of trying, as the lady tried from various angles and such. so we're a little bummed, but they said we could come back next month to look again.

of course this is secondary to the real news: everything looked great and the baby seems to be quite healthy. I just love seeing the heart chambers move, and the alien-like skull shot is always cool, as well as the spine and stomach and hands and feet. wow we're really having another baby!! seems like this kid isnt quite as active, and is certainly not interested in opening its legs much at all. I guess s/he's just modest.

now to finish up some work stuff, pack the car, attempt to sleep a little, and we're outta here.

boy, girl, or hiding?

tomorrow we'll take our first peek at the new baby. I have this fear that s/he'll be hiding. but I'm guessing that it's a boy, as the pregnancy has gone a lot like Caleb's. we're both excited about the possibility of a girl, but having 2 boys of similar age would be really cool (if not completely insane for a while). so I'm going a little crazy with anticipation.

tired

I remember exam time this time of year at college, and how I used to think that was stressful. ha.

I dont want to complain, but I feel like I'm just about at my end. Michelle got so sick with flu and/or pregnancy sickness that we almost took her to the ER for fluids. thankfully she's been getting better, but very slowly. Caleb is sick too, but not terrible. just enough to be irritable, but not enough to slow him down. work is way behind and deadlines loom. I have a hard time doing more than 2 fulltime jobs at once. I've got acid in my throat and a dull ache in my neck.

yet friends help out a lot, and friends and family pray, bosses are understanding. I need rest, but it may not come any time soon. assuming sickness will remain for a while, I only hope for work to fall together quickly.

good news

we've had a bit of a rough time lately, with craziness at work and now the flu and whatnot. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and underpowered, but I just gotta keep remembering that God is faithful. so all this not-so-good stuff has made me want to break this oh-so-good news even more:

WE'RE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!!

yes, that is right, kiddo #2 is on the way. Michelle is almost 9 weeks prego, and Caleb will be 15 months old when the baby arrives. we're excited, overwhelmed, a bit stunned, and amazed all at once. here's the archived story about how we found out about this one.

please pray for us, and for Michelle and the new baby especially, and praise God with us.

"holy crap!"

the pear trees are in bloom, the daffodils are all up, and we're pregnant again! we're overwhelmed and excited and scared and joyful all at once.

Michelle's system has never been predictable, which is why it took a while for Caleb to come along. but it seems that her first pregnancy kicked things into gear, as she's been rather normal since Caleb's been born. we were quite thankful for this development, and of course unsure about how it would all work out. would we really be able to get pregnant easily next time? we figured probably not.

we prayed and talked about when we'd want kid #2, and decided that we'd like to have another before Caleb is 2 years old. figuring that it might take a year or so to get pregnant, we both had a peace to start trying this month. we both knew that it was quite possible to get pregnant the first try (not that we were really timing things and all that jazz), but the possibility seemed remote. we both prayed and put all this in God's hands. if He knew better than to give us 2 small kids, then He'd have us wait. if otherwise, then bring on the baby!

so, amazing as it sounds, we got pregnant on the first try! if we've figured correctly, the baby will be here around the end of November. Caleb will be 15 months old. this is the aspect that has us most nervous: two little kids in the house, and just one mama. I'm sure some folks will think that we're nuts, especially with Michelle's recurring health issues, and maybe we are. but we both love being parents so very much, and trust that God will provide, just like He always has.

so bring on the baby! pray for Michelle and the little one and for me and Caleb too. we pray especially that breastfeeding will go well this time, and that God will continue to bless all of our health.

the little story about how we discovered all this: Michelle has been tracking her basal body temperature for a while, just to make sure things are working as they ought (and obviously they are!). when she had a bunch of high temps in a row, we started to suspect, as that's one of the tell-tale signs. she looked for a test at her sister's house over the weekend, but to no avail. meanwhile her temps kept climbing. so we finally had her take a test last night, and it came back with one pink line (not prego). we let out a sigh of relief, figuring it would indeed be best to wait a bit. so she put the test on the table and we watched our home videos from last the weekend. she put her cup of water down on the table a few minutes later, glanced at the test, and shouted: "HOLY CRAP!" the second pink line appeared, although faintly. we were in shock and all those crazy emotions. I was a little annoyed at the test, since the second line was so faint, but it was undeniably there. I kept yelling "INCONCLUSIVE!" followed by nervous laughter. after consulting her sister as well as google, we came to the inescapable, wonderful conclusion that there really is another little bun in the oven.

today we went to the doctor's office to get a blood test. they did a normal pee test first, and we went through the same routine. at first, the nurse tech shook her head and said "not pregnant." michelle was rather excited at this news, and I was a bit confused. but as she took it over to us to let us see, she said "oh wait" and showed it to the doctor. it was faint, but indeed there. we'll know the blood test results tomorrow, which should be more definitive.

as I think about all the joys of this past year, I remeber a recent article about a basketball coach, who was so happy with how his players had done this year. his quote basically sums up what I've been feeling about being a daddy and husband: "You know you're in a very special place when your realities outweigh your dreams. And that's where I am."

praise God for blessing us more than we dare to dream.

winners

announcing the winners of the "name the baby" contest:

Erin (Mollenkof) Bindewald correctly guessed Caleb as his first name and was very close with the middle, guessing John (which is my middle name).

Heather Cross got the height, weight, and hair correct.

2 people guessed the date correctly: Rebecca Tredway and Kat Haase.

Thanks for playing!

the mother of all labors

God blessed and sustained us through many long days of labor. here's the long version of Caleb's birth story, from daddy's perspective:

it started on friday august 6 with some relatively mild and regular contractions. by saturday evening, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and one minute long, and michelle was getting pretty serious. could this be it? sure looked like it. we called the doctor who said to come get checked when they were about 3 minutes apart and quite strong. after throwing up and getting a series of strong contractions around 10pm, we decided to head in. everything was already packed, so I loaded everything up and we were off, contracting regularly every three minutes.

when we got there, michelle was sure that she'd be dialated a good deal more than her checkup on friday, but alas, no progress and therefore much frustration and confusion. after a short while, we decided to head back home and try to relax during this longest part of labor (usually). the nurse at the hospital was sure we'd be back sunday morning.

it was a very long night. michelle still had regular and strong contractions. we tried every trick in the book to either help her relax or help move things along. she took a bath. we walked around the block at 4am. I talked her through relaxing as much as possible. she let me doze for a while, and then when she couldnt get me to wake up, I got a nice slap in the head. a classic moment.

but in the end there was just more frustration. we were both very tired, and she was quite exhausted. she had a hard time keeping food down. we'd run out of things to try to make things better, and we didnt want to be induced. but we were so tired. so early sunday morning we called our childbirth class teacher, who pretty much advised us to chill out. maybe this isnt the right time, so we should try to sleep and just wait for the baby's timing.

sunday and monday things calmed down a bit, but she was still contracting every ten minutes or so, and they were strong enough to keep her from sleeping. but during the day we did our best to get through it, playing games and resting as much as possible.

we had a checkup on tuesday, and she had progressed to 3cm and 90%. the doctor assured us that these days of labor would make the last stages much easier, once again proving that although he's the kindest doctor we know, he's not much of a prophet. but that was enough to send us home happier.

tuesday evening things started picking up again. the contractions were getting harder and closer, and being first-timers, we didnt want to get caught at home or on the road, so we packed up the stuff and went to get checked again. we werent sure if we'd be heading home again or not, but we wanted to be safe. when we got there, there was no change from our checkup that day, which led to more sadness and frustration. why was this so hard yet not effective? so we headed home once more, figuring we'd be able to better relax there.

but a few hours after we got home, contractions got even harder and even closer, and we knew it was finally time to go in and not come home without a baby. we didnt care if there was no progress from before. we were going, and we were staying. just making the descision was a big lift.

so we checked in at midnight tuesday/wednesday and she was still 3 cm. we called our parents and our childbirth class teacher Stephanie. she came to be with us to help us through, and she stayed all night. even when she arrived she looked amazingly tired, but she never complained. always encouraging and helpful, we can't thank her enough. through her class and help, we know that we were able to make the best choices we could.

knowing michelle needed to relax, we got her in the whirlpool tub while we waited for the doctor to arrive. after only 10 minutes in the water, she progressed to 6 cm! maybe things would happen quickly now? michelle was of course exhausted, but we were hopeful.

excited by our progress, we had her water broken to see if things would continue to move along quickly. but that complicated things, since there was meconium (baby's first bowel movement) in the fluid. this isn't unusual, but it can cause complications. in severe cases, a c-section is performed right away, but since there wasnt much in our case, the doctor ordered baby and michelle to be constantly monitored.

unfortunately this meant that she couldnt go in the shower, and she couldnt move around and do the other things we've learned that help relax her and progress labor. so she rocked in the rocking chair for about 5 hours, contractions getting ever stronger, but remaining at 6 cm. she would have spells of anxiety and discouragement, but I kept trying to keep her spirits up, thinking that she would have her second (third? fourth?) wind when it was time to push.

but since she hadnt progressed, the doctor wanted to start intervening with pitocin and/or and epidural. since we wanted to do things as naturally as possible, we came to a difficult point. we were all exhausted, and things werent moving along. but he let her get in the shower to relax a bit and see if things would progress, and she did get to 7 cm. so he said she'd earned another hour to see if things would happen on its own.

this was what we wanted, but when faced with it, we knew it wasnt what we wanted anymore. she was so very exhausted, after 4+ days of labor, she knew she couldnt go any farther. she didnt want to face another contraction, as each was draining her whole body, despite her best efforts to relax through it all. so after much discussion, we finally decided to get an epidural so we could rest for the delivery.

having been dedicated to natural childbirth, this decision was very difficult for us. she had made it so long and done so very well, we almost felt like we were giving up. but we were reminded that we needed to make the best decision for our particular labor, and soon as we decided, we knew it was best.

so she got the epidural and we promptly slept for 3+ hours. during this time, my parents had arrived at the hospital, and we invited my mom to witness the birth. when the nurse came to check on michelle, she was a little surprised: she was 10cm, and the baby was crowning! I looked and could see his hair! we were almost there. they quickly summoned the doctor, and our birthing suite was suddenly transformed into a hospital room.

energized by sleep and the excitement of finally seeing our son, michelle was ready to push. she was such a good pusher, and the baby was so far along, that it only took 3 contractions and about 10 minutes of pushing before he was out! his little cries filled the room (and didnt stop for about an hour) and we were all sobbing with joy.

because of the meconium, they had to quickly give him deep suction and oxygen and all that good stuff, so I didnt get to cut the cord. but soon enough he was in our arms, breathing his first air.

so Caleb Robert Wiegers came into the world at 11:11am on August 11, 2004. He weighed 8 pounds, 1 ounce and measured 22 inches long. He looks a lot like his daddy, with a good portion of his mama too, and has lots of long dark hair. every last health report and checkup has been great, for which we are very thankful.

we praise God for this miracle that He has given us.

caleb robert wiegers

praise God! our son Caleb Robert Wiegers was born on wednesday, august 11, at 11:11am. he weighed in at 8 pounds 1 oz, measured 22" long and has lots of long dark hair. caleb and mama and dad are all quite well. more details and many pictures to come soon.

first pictures here. more later. sleepy time now.

progress and encouragement

still no baby, but all is relatively well. we just had a checkup, and baby is doing quite well, and Michelle's body has progressed enough to keep our spirits up. she's now about 3cm and 90%. the doctor is sure that all this work these past few days will make the hard labor much shorter and easier, which is exactly what we needed to hear. he's so kind and patient with us: we know he'd rather go ahead and induce now, but he respects our wishes to wait it out, for now at least.

the next appointment is thursday, and if we make it that far, we will induce and/or break her water on monday. everyone thinks she wont make it that far, but everyone has been wrong before.

we didnt get much sleep last night, so we'll do our best to rest today. in other baby news, ben and laini huffine had their baby boy the other day: jaron mosi huffine, and everyone is well.

hopefully soon for us? we know Jesus is with us. a tearful reading of psalm 91 did our hearts much good this morning. please keep praying for us.

warmup

since it was the most beautiful day of the summer this friday, we took a picnic (and the dog) to chester frost park and had a relaxing good time. soon after we got home michelle started having mild and regular contractions. nothing too serious, but worth paying attention to.

when we woke up on saturday (baby's due date) the contractions were a bit stronger and a bit closer together. still nothing serious yet, but we were wondering if this was it. so we did some chores and whatnot, trying not to get too excited.

by saturday evening, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and one minute long, and michelle was getting pretty serious. could this be it? sure looked like it. we called the doctor who said to come get checked when they were about 3 minutes apart and quite strong. after throwing up and getting a series of strong contractions around 10pm, we decided to head in. everything was already packed, so I loaded everything up and we were off, contracting regularly every three minutes.

when we got there, michelle was sure that she'd be dialated a good deal more than her checkup on friday, but alas, no progress and therefore much frustration and confusion. after a short while, we decided to head back home and try to relax during this longest part of labor (usually). the nurse at the hospital was sure we'd be back sunday morning.

it was a very long night. michelle still had regular and strong contractions. we tried every trick in the book to either help her relax or help move things along. she took a bath. we walked around the block at 4am. I talked her through relaxing as much as possible. she let me doze for a while, and then when she couldnt get me to wake up, I got a nice slap in the head. a classic moment.

but in the end there was just more frustration. we were both very tired, and she was quite exhausted. she had a hard time keeping food down. we'd run out of things to try to make things better, and we didnt want to be induced. but we were so tired. so early sunday morning we called our childbirth class teacher, who pretty much advised us to chill out. maybe this isnt the right time, so we should try to sleep and just wait for the baby's timing.

the contractions have slowed down considerably, and they're not very strong. we slept a good deal in the morning, and michelle most of the afternoon. she can keep down some food now, so the goal is to gather her strength for when the baby is really ready.

our frustration, fear, and dissappointment ran quite high. we've cried a good deal this weekend. we've prayed and cried out. we've finally come to the place where we're ok with calling this weekend our warmup labor, and seeing when it'll start back up again. maybe tonight? maybe in a couple days? who knows? we're so thankful for our kind and patient doctor and childbirth teacher, who have guided us through this frustration.

so now we pray that baby will come in God's good timing. we are clearly not in control of this miraculous process. we pray that Michelle will be able to be strong for labor, and overcome our fears of another frustrating stall. we need to keep our eyes focused on Jesus and the goal of holding our precious son in our arms. hopefully soon.

he's still hiding

and we're still waiting. my guess is he'll come next week, but I've been wrong before. we're going a little crazy with impatience. at least there's an entertaining discussion about leg hair going on over on lynn's blog, and a cool quiz about where you might live thanks to alli. chattanooga was #4 on my list.

movies

thanks to the peterson's generosity with their netflix, we've been watching a lot of movies as we wait for the baby to come. seems like most of them lately have been non-special-effects dramas and such, which is a refreshing change...just to have a good story acted well. we're generally behind the curve since we dont see all that many movies, so most recently we took in:

spellbound - a documentary about the national spelling bee. alway interesting, sometimes frightening, sometimes really funny. this sparked a good conversation about parenting, since some of the parents were basically slave drivers. I really dont think I want my kid memorizing words for 50 hours a week, but who knows what the future holds?

shattered glass - a true story about the reporter who made up stories in the New Republic back in '99. a well made film about a very messed up guy. bonus features include a '60 minutes' interview with the actual guy, who proves that, 5 years later, he's still messed up.

august

there's an old joke/saying about how you should never pray for patience, because if you do, God will send you something to teach you to be patient. well that's us. ugh. COME ON BABY ALREADY!!!

so it's finally august. for a while there we honestly thought the baby would be here by now. if your doctor tells you your baby is going to come early, DONT believe him! he doesnt know any better than you do, and then you'll be going crazy. thanks so much, doctor prophet.

so we watch movies. and we go swimming. Michelle's even been knitting again. I've been avoiding mowing the lawn for quite some time, thanks partly to the rains. but I keep the kitchen spotless each night, in case this is the night. our bags are packed. and we wait.

we still pray for patience, because that's what we need everyday. I've been told we'll look back at these last days with fondness, and I'm sure that's true. but now that Michelle's sister's babies are here, we feel all the more ready. so come on little guy. we're waiting for you.

Relaxing good times, while we can

As y'all know Bob and I have been ready for this baby to come for the last couple of weeks. I often say things like, "maybe tonight," and Bob usually responds,"maybe next week." I'm hopeful, he's a little more realistic. But we've been having some good down time together over the last week which I'm so thankful for.

This past Thursday night we went out to dinner at the Chop House, thanks to Bob's mom, and it was so yummy. Then Friday we went to see The Bourne Supremcay. We both liked it, but weren't necessarily wowed by it. Saturday we went swimming, which is such a wonderful thing this late in pregnancy. When I got out of the pool I realized how huge I really am as the weight dropped on me like a bomb. We had some fun talks, dreaming about what our family will be like and what we'll be like as parents.

I've also been taking lots of walks to keep things moving in the right direction. Bob has been able to join me some mornings and a couple of evenings. One evening this past week I ran into an old Hispanic friend from my Esperanza days and was thrown back into speaking Spanish. That was fun, except when he asked if I was carrying twins! I don't think I look THAT huge.

We've also gotten to cook some together. Well its been more like I get this crazy idea of what I want to eat in my head and can't be satisfied until I'm eating it. For example, we were returning from Linda's Fruit Stand on Saturday and I saw a sign that said "Car Wash and Fish Fry." Instantly I had to go home and have a fish fry of our own. Now we never eat fried food, and I don't believe I've ever made fried fish, but it was so yummy. Then Sunday I had it in my head I wanted biscuits and gravy, you know the white sausage gravy, very southern. And I plunged in again cooking something I never thought I would in my life. Bob said it will be my fault if we raise a southern boy because of all this southern food.

Anyway, this brings me to last night. We decided to go see The Terminal out at Northgate, the 5:45 show. When we got there we found out we had the wrong times and that the next show wasn't till 7. Well my imediate response was to pout because my plans for our nice night had gotten changed. So I was all frustrated, because when I make plans, I like them to go through, not too much of a control freak am I? Well it turned out for the best, as God's timing always does. We ended up driving to Chester Frost Park to just chill for a little while by the water. I really don't think there is a more beautiful place to relax in Chattanooga than out at Chester Frost. The breeze was going and Bob got the blanket and pillows out of the car so I could lay down to rest a little bit while he went off to skip some stones in the water. It was more than pleasant and just the kind of breath of fresh air I think we both needed. So after 45 minutes or so we made our way back to the theater to see the movie. It wasn't as good as I was expecting, because I usually love Tom Hanks, just average. But we had a wonderful evening and had to recognize that if the baby had come early this week like we hoped, we never would have gotten the chance to relax by the water.

So we are so thankful for the wonderful times we've had together over this past week. It really reminds me of when we were first married and spent so much time together just by ourselves. I know this time is a gift. God knows when our little boy will come (I still hope for sooner than later!) but until he does, we hope to have some more good times together.

(un)answered prayer

I actually hate the phrase "unanswered prayer" because I'm sure that all prayers are answered. it's just some of the answers are "no" or at least "not yet." and we got a "no" recently, because I prayed that the baby would come early last week, and of course he didnt. but, as usual, the "no" was better than a yes, since we were able to have quite a good week spending some quality time together. and the house is a little cleaner, and michelle made some pillows too. now I'm praying for this week, but wondering if I should? we'll see.

here's a quick little video of the baby's room (4mb). it's pretty much just a test for little videos when the baby comes and I think it turned out ok. pay no attention to my cutesy baby voice.

patience

we need more of it. we're pretty much tired of waiting around for the baby, but the due date is yet 2 weeks away. the baby's room is all ready. the bills have been paid. the dog has been groomed. many "how to be the perfect parent" books have been read. or at least skimmed. I've been putting off cleaning up the house, but I guess I'll do that tomorrow.

we're trying to distract ourselves with other stuff -- a dinner out last night and a movie tonight (bourne supremacy). aside: the movie was pretty good, but I think I've been spoiled by alias as far as cool spy stuff goes. but worth seeing especially if you liked the first one.

so we wait. we're a little tired of wondering how everything will go. but now I wonder if I'll look back in a month and long for these last days of just us. without a doubt, the last 5 years have been the best of my life. we've learned so much and had lots of fun too. I wonder if the next years will be even better?

for lynn

and our moms: lots of pregnancy pictures

in other news, I learned a good lesson today. if you happen to cut open a jalepeno pepper (from the garden of course), and your fingers happen to stray in the vicinity of the inside of your nostril soon thereafter, you're in for a world of hurt, as well as much laughter at you as you ice it down for the next hour. but it feels better eventually.

finally, michelle just finished the curtains for the baby's room and they are indeed awesome. she did these from scratch in less than a week, and it was otherwise just about the busiest week we've had in 9 months. she's amazing.

soon?

more good news: michelle's strep-b test came back negative, so no need for extra antibiotics and no need for and extra day at the hospital for the baby. we're so thankful for another good report.

I wont go into the gory details, but the doctor says michelle could go into labor in a week or two. let's just say that her body is getting ready, and there was a bit of progress this week. of course we've heard stories of folks showing the signs of being ready but still waiting around a month, so who knows?

michelle wants to finish the curtains, and she's about halfway there. they're looking great too. so now it's a race to see who goes first: em and steve with the twins, or us with the singular? hopefully soon we'll know.

busy

these last two weeks have been very busy with baby madness. let's see if I can remember what we've done: breastfeeding class (which was very good), tour of east ridge hospital (our backup place for delivery in case women's east is full), baby shower (for girls only, and apparently it rocked), the final bradley class (which was great for all 12 weeks), infant CPR class (hopefully we'll never need to use it), weekly checkups for michelle (she's doing great still), and this morning we met with our potential pediatrician. she's really friendly, laid back about most things, and took lots of time to answer our questions.

amidst all this I've squeezed in time for a nice little side-job to help pay for diapers and whatnot. with the help of some of the tools here at work, I've redesigned the RMNi site, which I think is a bit of an improvement on the old one.

and Michelle's done all the cool stuff for the baby's room. now she's working on our curtains, which should be the last major piece of the puzzle.

the last big thing is the baby shower at church this weekend (my-oh-my have our friends and families hooked us up with tons of cool baby stuff!!). then the only thing left is weekly checkups until the baby is here. I just cant wait to hold him in my arms.

progress

the quilt is finally done! although I helped a bit, the credit goes to michelle for making such a beautiful quilt for our kid(s). we stalled there for a while, but with the baby (hopefully) less than a month away, michelle kicked it into gear. she also made time to do the crib bumpers too, which turned out great. now she turns her attention to some drapes for the windows. I imagine they'll be done rather quickly, but we'll see.

in garden news, I'm a slacker. or at least I have an aversion to heat and bugs. I havent sprayed bugs in a long while but at least the rain has kept things watered. but even still, the tomatos are doing pretty well, and we've got a few cantalopes on the way, and the cukes are yummy but not abundant. the jalepenos are not very hot, but that's ok. the peppers are sub-par, and the squash and zukes are a complete failure, thanks to the vine-borer bug. the sad part is that michelle's pregnancy-induced heartburn prevents her from eating the tomatos. hopefully she'll be able to enjoy them after the baby comes.

guess the name

the drop

with exactly one month til the due date, our boy has "dropped." a couple days ago he was riding pretty high, squishing michelle's lungs and stomach especially. now he's settled in pretty low, and michelle has traded more lung and stomach space for less bladder space. the joys of the last month.

the drop has given us a new sense of urgency. according to the books, the "engagement of the head" as it's called happens 2-4 weeks before delivery, which is about right. michelle especially likes to plan ahead, so we'll soon be packing the stuff we can pack beforehand for our hospital stay (which hopefully wont be all that long). she's already made a freezer full of meals and bread and whatnot, and we're making arrangements for friends to look in on the dog. poor katie...her world is going to be turned upside down. good thing she likes kids.

(disclaimer: this is NOT our son) some of our friends from our bradley childbirth class just had their boy, and since we were at women's east anyway, we stopped in. as I held him I could hardly believe that will be us in two weeks. or 4. or 6.

I'm a little nervous about how labor will go, but I know it's all in God's hands. I'm very excited to take our son home and be a little family, home together for a week or so. for many years (about 10 or so) I've dreamed about having a family with kids, and now it's happening!!!

so we're praying as we take the final turn of this slow race. michelle is definitely slowing down, but her spirits are high. we're amazed that at every step we've been blessed with good reports, and we know that God will contiune to be with us. please keep praying!

Dreft - one big scam?

Somewhat like planning a wedding, when having a baby you have to make all these little decisions no matter how laid back you want to be about it. Well we have found the Baby Bargains book, by Denise and Alan Fields, to be very helpful. They have a chapter on money wasters and they list special detergent for babies (Dreft and others) as a major waster. So this got me thinking and I'm pretty sure I agree with them on this one.

They give some good tips on washing as well. They say to always use gentle cycle to lessen wear and tear as well as to turn the clothes inside out so as to keep from pilling and fuzzing. They also say its good to do a second rinse to be sure that all the soap has been rinsed out of the clothes.

So what do you moms and dads out there in blogland do to wash your little tyke's clothes? Have you bought into the special baby soap? Do you have any other little pointers for washing baby clothes? I've decided to not buy into the Dreft scam and to continue using the soap I always have. (All free and clear) Its cheaper and then I can mix some of my clothes in with our babies and not worry about the special detergent. Though with diaper blow-outs and baby spit up maybe I won't want to mix our clothes in? Guess I'll learn as I go.

answers

God continues to answer our prayers for Michelle's health. when we learned she was pregnant, our biggest worry was that her long-troublesome health would suffer. would she be able to carry the baby w/o going on bedrest? would she have strength to care for him as an infant? would her back be damaged during labor? etc, etc, etc. praying is much better than worrying, so we try to give it over to Jesus each day.

well each and every report we've received about her health has been fantastic. most recently the blood-sugar test came back great, as well as anemia. and every sign from the baby has been great as well. the chiropractor has been amazed at how well her body is doing too. not long ago she needed to go see him 3 times a week, and now she's down to only one. pain-free days have become the norm, when once they were rare. and the other day she walked farther than she has in about 2 years. not everything is perfect (gotta wait til heaven for that of course), but overall God has answered our prayers with a resounding "Yes! I WILL bless your health!" (or something like that, since I havent yet heard an audible response).

so thanks to those who have prayed, and thanks to Him who answers. please pray for her labor and delivery, as well as the last 2 months as baby gets bigger and the weather gets hotter. we expect God's care and blessings...we'll see how He works it all out.

I'm pulling my hair out

really. I have a nervous twitch or something, and I always scratch the back of my head, and now there's a spot the size of a silver-dollar on the back of my head that aint got no hair. I guess it's stress? I'm thrilled to death that our baby is coming soon, but my body has ways of dealing with stress that my mind isn't clued in on. good thing I'm not vain. mostly.

showered

to borrow a cheesy (yet true) phrase that actually never came up this past weekend, we were "showered with blessings."

we traveled 1600 miles between Friday and Monday (for an average of about 14 miles per hour). the travel went quite well -- much better than we had expected in fact. many thanks to those who were praying, and to God for answering them.

the shower itself was great. our moms and families worked very hard on all the details and it turned out quite nice. it was so good to see old friends and family and celebrate with them. it was humbling and a little overwhelming to open all those cool gifts, from the tiny little socks to the stroller and carseat. we have pretty much all the essentials now (and then some, of course), so we feel very blessed. many many thanks to mom and mom and all those who came.

a few more random observations on this whirlwind roadtrip:
- when overly exhausted on the road, Michelle gets very giggly. it's quite fun and easy to make her laugh.
- it takes at least 8 pillows to make Michelle comfortable enough to sleep in the car. really.
- I-81 in VA is a very good road. most PA roads are not. and the best bathroom we found was easily the TN welcome center.
- the dog took exception to our absence. she pooped quite a bit in the house even though she was let out often enough by neighbors. this led to a fly infestation, so we killed over 100 flies for the first 30 minutes we were home. fun. so she wins. no more leaving her on her own.

pictures coming soon.

prayer please

we're soon off to PA for the baby shower. it's usually an 11 hour drive, but with Michelle at about 6 months pregnant, we'll be stopping to stretch our legs a bit more. her legs and feet have been hurting a lot more lately, so please pray for her health on our journey. please pray also for safe travels and good times with friends and family. with all the hoopla it'll be easy to take credit for all this ourselves, so we need to remember to be humble and thankful to God for His many blessings.

ultrasound video

as promised, here is the video of the 20 week ultrasound. it's about 13 minutes long, in quicktime format, and about 22mb (dont bother if you dont have broadband).

it's a little hard to tell what's going on if you've never seen one of these, but even still it's pretty amazing. I'll try to do an edited version soon, maybe with some subtitle commentary or something. meanwhile here's some highlights:

(these times are based on what my quicktime viewer says on the left of the timeline)

0:18 - the arrow points to his hand, which is over his head
0:50 - a good view of his spine
0:55 - the black spot is his stomach
1:15 - pointing out his boy parts, and thereafter outlining the "toilet bowl view"
2:05 - freezes for the profile view - his head on the left, looking up to the top right corner. the technician outlines his body
3:23 - freezes for foot view
3:39 - pauses for forearm and hand, which is in the middle of the screen
3:58 - measuring his abdomen - the view is cutting him in half at the belt, the black spot is his stomach
4:13 - skull view - the technician is adjusting the depth so his head is coming in and out of focus - she circles his eye sockets - he's looking down at us
4:49 - time for head measurements (until about 6:30)
6:40 - my favorite part! but it's hard to see on this version - on the right side of the screen is his heart, all four chambers beating in and out. super cool! then it switches to measure his heartrate
7:30 - his leg is extending out, and she points to it
7:46 - he's squished on his head now, and you can see the legs folded at the top. it freezes for an outline
9:07 - his head is at the bottom, and his arm is above it. he waves a little, and then swallows. (Michelle's favorite part)
9:19 - the technician shakes it up a bit, and he responds by moving his hand
9:40 - another good view of the spine
10:20 - he's looking at us and he yawns - his mouth is the white part, which I guess is his teeth buds?
11:15 - she circles his boy parts, comparing it with the cord
12:12 - leg bone
13:00 - see you next time!

crib and garden

our crib came in yesterday! we got it all assembled and it looks great. we're both surprised at how large it is (even though it's a standard size). it makes it all that much more real. we also found a good deal on a mattress at target (thanks to the Baby Bargains book). many thanks to mom and dad wiegers for springing for it all.

we also got a bunch of little plants for the garden. we got 4 different tomatoes (to join the 2 already in the ground), 2 peppers, a triad of basil, a sqash, a zuchinni, and 6 cucumbers. I got all but the cukes in the ground before sundown, and we set out more slug bait and sprayed insecticidal soap on everything (this years motto: early and often). soon we'll get 6 more cukes, 6 more tomatoes, and a few cantalopes too, and that should do us for plants. we have seeds for spinach, lettuce and some other stuff that we may try, as well as some flowers too.

we're off to Estate of Confusion (a really cool junk store on Main) to find some materials for building trellises for the tomatoes and cukes. we already have some up, but we ran out of the garden fenceposts.

oh and I almost forgot: score at least one more for the good guys against the rats. I found one drowned in a bucket under the house. but they're getting us back right now, as one has apparently died under the house, wedged somewhere in between an air duct and the insulation around it. it's not yet bad enough to motivate me to remove all the insulation, but we shall see.

quilting

Add needlework to my vast array of skills. I tried and failed knitting a few years ago, but now the need has risen for me to pitch in to finish the quilt for our baby.

michelle did all the work of cutting up the fabric and piecing it together, with help from Sarah in the early stages, and a little help from me when we put the puzzle together. she was going to machine quilt for the last step, but apparently that wasn't working, so we're doing it by hand.

since her fibro is flaring lately, she asked me to pitch in, and since it's pretty straitforward, we figured I could handle it. so I gave it a shot last night, and made some pretty good progress. to balance out the manliness factor, I watched the Braves-Mets and Astros-Giants games while I sewed. it's not perfect, but thankfully we're happy with less-than-perfect.

so I'm making a quilt for my kid, and besides the tweak in my back from doing it for 3 hours last night, I couldn't be happier.

bradley method

we're taking bradley natural childbirth classes for the next 12 weeks, and we had our first meeting last night. I've heard that some bradley instructors can be quite militant (to the point of preaching that all doctors are out to kill you), but our instructor is quite level-headed and we're very excited about the class.

check out their site for the rundown of what they teach, but bascially it comes down to learning about and trusting the process, and learning to relax through it. we are not vehemently opposed to modern medicine (like some of our classmates), although we can relate to that perspective. with all of michelle's health issues and her bad back, we want to avoid an epidural if at all possible, so we want to learn about alternative methods for dealing with pain.

so now she has excercises to do every day, and at least once a day we are to focus on intentional relaxation. basically they're saying it's a learned skill, which I think is a good perpective. and she has a measure of experience in relaxing through pain, or at least she'll be able to practice well, since her fibro has been flaring lately. and I'm a big part of all this: partly to be the memory for us when we get there, and partly to coach her through relaxation.

there are 9 couples in our class, most of them about our age, some a bit older. and we know two of the couples already (this is a small town sometimes). one from my days at the Chattanooga Outlook (Winston and Shanna), and one from a friend of a friend who went to Michelle's knit group, and they also have a photography and design studio here in town (James and Julie).

so we're looking forward to this process, and now it's officially michelle's fulltime job to get ready for labor and delivery and beyond. yet with all this focus on relaxation we know we need more than that, so we're praying for God's peace and provision.

He's a BOY!

After initially thinking that we'd keep it a secret, we've now decided to let it out, and he's a BOY! So we kept the secret for about 36 hours. We're halfway there and excited all over again.

We were both pretty much equally excited about either boy or girl, so it's a little sad to let go of all the little girl daydreams for a while at least. But we couldn't be happier that we're having a little boy, and as a bonus the room is already blue (and it was staying that way no matter what, but now it's more appropriate I guess). So now we're talking to the kid using his name (which we ARE withholding...really) and it makes it that much more real.

Today we completed the task of registering for baby junk. It's quite overwhelming, especially at babies-r-us. But we had a faithful guide in Erin (Harris) Wood, who has a 6 month old boy, so she knows what she's talking about. So now we've got lists at Babies-R-Us and Target. Bring on the tidal wave of baby junk.

we have the cutest kid ever

we had the 20 week ultrasound today, and we discovered that we have the custest kid ever. here are some scans of the sonograms. we found out if it's a boy or girl, but we're withholding that information at least for a while. anyway, praise God for a very good report all around. only 20 more weeks til s/he's on the scene!

sex

as in: boy or girl? (what were you thinking?) we're finding out this friday, and (cliche as it may be) we cant wait! we're toying with the idea of not telling many folks for a while, but we'll see. we'll at least have scans of the ultrasound available for public view, and maybe even a video too.

we're not exactly sure, but Michelle thinks she can feel the baby moving these days and her tummy is definitely growing fast. she's had 3 days in row without throwing up. it's hard to believe the baby will be here in about 20 weeks!

this whole parenting thing is starting to sink in. we've been talking about stuff like our changing budget and how to go about discipline for the kid and what the heck life will look like on the other side. I'm pretty sure the dog won't like the change of priorities. and we're dreaming about who he or she will take after as far as personality goes. I'm definitely like my mom, and Michelle is mostly like her dad but of course some mom mixed in.

we're praying for Michelle as the delivery approaches, and as the kid gets bigger. her body is still relatively weak from fibromyalgia, though she has had some better days lately. for the past couple years she simply hasn't used her arms and back for lifting and such, so even a few minutes holding a friend's newborn was quite an upsetting eye-opener. when we worry, we need to remind eachother how good and faithful God is, and that He'll always remain faithful. so please pray for health and strength.

spring is coming!

We are so excited that spring is on the way. Soon after I gave up hope seeing any real snowfall this winter, I was ready for flowers and warm afternoons. Here's our first arrival: a daffodil I planted along the front walk. I'm still captivated by daffodils and irises especially.

In other news, Michelle and the baby had another checkup, and all is quite well. We'll hear results for the bloodtests soon, but all the signs are good so far. It hardly seems real. Michelle has begun nesting, as she's making a quilt and other baby room stuff. She's quite a seamstress. We're still worried about her back being strong enough to have a good pregnancy and delivery, but the fibro meds are slowly working, and the chiro reports that it's getting better. We just need to trust God that He'll take care of us.

He's certainly taking care of our financial needs. I've had a few side jobs lately, and all of them have come and found me. I hate sales, so it's a blessing not to have to pursue work. These aren't lucrative jobs, but it helps pay the bills, and especially the credit cards. We're praying that we'll pay off the MasterCard soon (which would take a miracle) but meanwhile we're loving the 0% interest!

Andy, Lynn and Gideon stopped by last night. Gid is so freakin cute I can hardly stand it. I can only hope our kid is half as cute and cool as he is. They're going to NY for the summer for an internship with IBM (I think). Apparently Andy's going to start a blog over on atlblogs, so be on the lookout.

manna of the month

the BLT is Michelle's manna of the month. we've been through a couple so far on this pregnancy adventure. all she could eat at first was oatmeal, then that gave way to puffed rice, and fried eggs were in there for a while too (although they are definitely out of favor now). egg salad is good for lunches these days, and oatmeal made a big comeback recently, and that's still high on the menu. the latest greatest is the BLT. the fact that she's eating more protein as well as some veggies makes me happy.

her sickness is slowly getting better, and it's high time for the nausea to be done. hopefully soon. the standard battery of blood tests will be administered this week, and we'll (hopefully) find out the boy/girlness in 3 weeks.

no vomit

today was a milestone: Michelle didnt throw up this morning! do we dare hope that she'll make it all day without tossing her cookies? actually she doesnt toss cookies: she usually tosses only stomach acid, and she never eats cookies anyway due to her hypoglycemia.

anyway I'm praying that the nausea will abate so she'll eat something besides oatmeal and bagels (jeannette, if you're out there, she's sucessfully made excellent bagels; email her for the recipe).

you know things are changing when...

you get excited about strollers. we're happy to have found one that seems to suit our needs -- lightweight, not too expensive, full recline, infant carrier adapter, stylish, and good for tall parents: the Combi Savona (in Techno Grey...so very cool). the world of strollers is a daunting one, so we're glad to have come out alive, thanks mostly to this book: Baby Bargains. If you're expecting a kid and don't have unlimited funds, you NEED this book. OK this is the part where I try to wrap it up with something half-heartedly witty. Or not.

heartbeat

We heard our kid's heartbeat for the first time on Friday. It took a little while for the good doctor to get the microphone thingy pointing in the right direction, but once he did, we could clearly hear the swish-swish-swish at about 160 beats per minute. So all is going well and everything is proceding normally as we approach 15 weeks.

But Michelle is still throwing up everyday. She was hoping to be done with the sickness by now, but you can pretty much count on it every morning and sometimes late at night or even the middle of the night. The good news is that she's allowed to be back on her fibromyalgia medicine, so that should stem the tide of her aches and pains and she should be able to get out and excercise soon.

We've recently realized that we're not taking our fears and concerns to Jesus as we ought. We've let ourselves get distracted from prayer and fellowship, but God once again has brought us back to Himself with forgiveness and healing. We pray that He'll make us faithful more and more.

we're having a BABY!

Really! God has unexpectedly blessed us with a little one on the way. We are shocked, amazed, and deeply thankful for this blessing, and for the good report at the first ultrasound. We saw the tiny heartbeat and saw the kid dance and wiggle. Everything is going great, and the due date is August 7. Please pray for us!

I've been blogging about this since we found out on December 15, but have left it unpublished until we broke the news. So check the archives for all the scoop, and of course our website has everything too, including pictures!

good news

We finally had the ultrasound today and all appears quite normal. We're so very thankful and relieved that all is well. And there is only one kiddo in there, so we're thankful that we can take things one at a time.

After so much buildup the experience was a little surreal. Here I was, sitting in a chair next to my wife, with the friendly lady operating the machine, as I look up and get the first glimpse of my child. Granted, it's a little fuzzy on the screen, but it's undoubtedly a healthy little baby. Little arms and legs, and an overly large head. And a little heartbeat, pulsing 170 times a minute. There was even a few squirms and wriggles that brought to home the obvious yet elusive fact: there's a real live baby in there! The wonders and blessings of technology. Upon seeing the kid on the screen, Michelle thinks it's a boy. In a couple months we'll hopefully find out!

We're only 9 weeks along, but the word is that the big hurdles are 4, 6, and 8 weeks. Michelle was hoping that she was farther along so she can be rid of the sickness, but it seems she'll have at least a few more weeks of that.

It finally seems real. God is so good to us.

not more than we can handle

Tomorrow is the big day, at least the biggest one so far: the first ultrasound! And just to add to the buildup, the nurse suspects that there may be more than one baby lurking in the womb. Apparently the degree of Michelle's sickness and the fact that the sickness medication isn't working that well is making her wonder.

But besides finding out how many kids are in there, we're especially looking forward to good news about health and development, and of course how far along we are.

Michelle thinks and hopes that she's about 13 weeks, but the nurse thinks more like 9. So we'll see. One kid? Two kids? 3 months? 4 months? These are the magic questions that'll be answered in just over 24 hours.

Just the thought of this is more than a little overwhelming, so we'll just wait and see. As Michelle keeps reminding us: God won't give us more than we can handle. But it seems God likes to adjust our views of our capacity for handing. Or maybe it's that our ability to "handle" goes up the more we handle it all in faith. Either way, it's all definitely more than we can handle on our own, so I pray that God will increase our faith.

the countdown continues

While most folks counted down the last days of 2003, we were counting the days until January 7. That's the big day when it all becomes a little clearer: the ultrasound! We'll know how far along the baby is and whether or not everything is proceeding as normal. Michelle thinks she's about 12 weeks along, though the doctor said it could be more like 8. So we shall see! And assuming all goes well, we'll break the news to the world in general after the test.

We thought Michelle was coming out of the nausea stage, but the respite lasted only about a day and a half. It has been hard for her to keep food down, and there are not many foods that she's interested in eating in the first place. Since she's hypoglycemic, it has been especially hard to get her body what it needs. We worry somewhat about how the baby is doing, but we know that the Lord will provide. She's been able to keep down her vitamins and the progesterone too, so I'm pretty confident that all will be well in good time.

We've delved just a little into the sea of baby products. We briefly stopped by babies-r-us as well as Target, and surfed around amazon too. It is indeed overwhelming. Too many cribs, changing tables, strollers, car seats, etc, etc, etc to choose from! And how the heck are we going to pay for all this stuff? So it's a lot of fun to window shop, but it's a tad stressful too. There's word of a baby shower up north this spring, so hopefully that will work out.

My first major preparation for the kid: buying a repectable digital camera. We didn't really have the money, but there is some on the way from various sources. Anyway, I got a Sony DSC-P72, which I've had my eye on (the good one) for quite a while. It seems as if they're about to discontinue this model because I found it on sale and with a rebate. If you've been paying attention you know that we love to use our digital camera. Well now that we've got a good one: watch out! We'll see how long it takes to fill our harddrive, and I'm sure we'll be keeping walmart busy with those 24 cent 4x6 prints.

And I've been nesting! The trim in the blue room was never painted last year when we moved in. So I took it on for my New Year's Day project. I got all the picture rail and baseboards done, as well as the doors, and a few other places around the house that needed it. The dining room trim is still undone. We'll see if I get to that any time soon. It's a lot of fun to sit in the kid's room and dream about how it's going to look as a nursury. One thing we do know: boy or girl, the walls are staying blue. We're not into pastels anyway.

So in 4.5 days we'll know a bit more. My folks and their best friends Herm and Judi are stopping by tomorrow, so that should be fun. And then we wait it out. One. Day. At. A. Time....

finally told the fam

We wanted to wait until the weekend, but it didn't quite work out that way. My parents called for my birthday and we were doing the usual chatting. I was trying to casually convince my mom to stop by our place this weekend, but it would be 2 hours out of their way (each way), and they were figuring on seeing us in a couple weeks anyway. So she was being excruciatingly non-commital about coming by. That and they were making all these plans about the big trip in the middle of January that we were figuring on skipping.

So considering all this, I got all excited about telling her. We made eyes and other motions at eachother, and we both knew it was time to spill it. So I got back on the phone and said something like "We wanted to tell you this earlier, but we don't think we'll be able to make the trip in January. But the reason is that MICHELLE'S PREGNANT!" The reaction was relatively predictable: "WHAT! WHAT?! ... holy crow!" which is a classic mom phrase.

It was the usual reaction: initial complete disbelief, followed closely by bewildered mild disbelief, resolving into general hysterics and excitement. Dad was suspecting because I enlisted him to get mom over here this weekend, and he figured the reason why. Apparently neither of them slept well at all that night (fortunately we are these days), and mom cried just about every time she told someone.

Then came one of the hardest calls I've ever had to make. I needed to tell my sister, who has had quite a few miscarriages, and the most recent being particularly emotionally painful. Since I know it means so much to her, I've always wanted her to be able to have a kid before we did, but it seems as if that's not going to happen. So I called her up, and she thought it was funny that I was calling her on my birthday. The initial humor of that moment made it even harder. So I said something like, "We've got some good news that may be hard for you to hear: Michelle is pregnant." I may be wrong, but I remember it being rather quiet. She was brave however, asking the usual questions for a few moments. I said something about us wanting her to be first. After a short while, with her voice breaking up, she said she needed to go. I cannot begin to imagine the struggle she's going through. We just pray that God will bless them with a child of their own, and if that's not the plan, that He'll give them comfort and joy in Himself.

I also called my grandmother (dad's mom) and grandfather (mom's dad) and they were of course surprised and excited for us too.

It's so good to be surrounded by such loving and supportive family, and such a rich blessing to have a heritage of faith and love for our child. We pray that the baby will grow to know and love Jesus and have a strong and living faith of his or her own.

christmas adventures

The dog and I arrived two days after Michelle's flight, and the holiday cheer commenced. It was in fact one of the oddest holidays I've experienced: a strange mixture of brand new joy at our unexpected blessing and concern over Michelle's wildly unpredictable health and well-being. In short, she was sick for most of our time there. At worst, she threw up many times a day, and at best she was able to eat only basic things like oatmeal and grapefruit. As Michelle's sister is also pregnant (with twins!) and is dealing with similar issues, there wasn't much of a Christmas dinner, but no one seemed to mind.

There were definitely a few classic pregnancy moments during the trip. I think it was the night I arrived that Michelle got an uncontrollable craving for pizza. So we ordered a couple and Michelle promptly ate four pieces. This may not seem entirely unusual, but she has to be very careful with her diet due to her severe hypoglycemia, so she hasn't had pizza for years. Clearly this was thrown to the wind. She even had a fifth piece before dinner and two more for lunch the next day. But she paid for it that day especially as her metabolism bottomed out. And then there was the day where she could keep nothing down besides water, which is the leading culprit of her loss of about 15 pounds. Her illness caused the two of us to miss one extended family gathering, but overall she was able to enjoy time with family depite her sickness.

I had a strange sense of anxiety and anticipation about telling my family. They still do not know, as we're planning on telling my parents this week when they stop by after their visit with Herm and Judi in Blairsville. So I would lie awake at night, thinking about what and how we're going to tell them, and then of course during Chistmas calling them up and NOT telling them was more than difficult. We've decided that we're not going to the Bahamas with them, so we'll have to sort all that out when they come. We cannot imagine that my sister will be able to have the getaway that this whole trip is intended to provide if we're there, pregnant and excited. Of course we feel terrible that they've spent so much on this for us, but I have the feeling that they won't really mind in the long run.

I was usually in take-care-of-wife mode for the time that we were there. When she was napping I would read a book or sometimes play with Casey. Now and then I appreciated the opportunity to take the dog for a walk, feeling like the cousins at parties that would smoke out back: partly to smoke, partly to escape the madness for a few minutes. But I tried to be helpful in the kitchen, at least until Michelle's mom was on the scene, when I felt it was safer to fall into relax/lazy mode. Even then I did my best to tend to Michelle's needs, whether it was mixing apple sauce and yogurt or flushing it down the toilet after it came back up in one of many strategically placed bowls. Of course I would sieze the opportunity to mount my high horse: "See, this is how a good husband takes care of his wife..." Oh Lord, humble me. Once again we've vacated your Word and time with You on our vacation. Bring us back to yourself!

I don't think I slept soundly one night over the visit. Add that to the usual antsiness and irritiation of being in someone else's house for longer than a week, and we were ready to go home. Yet I don't want to be unthankful for such a good time away. Christmas day was a lot of fun as was spending time with her exetended family. Her grandfather and step-grandmother are so spunky even as they're pushing 90. And it was good to relax and forget about most of the usual everyday pressures, as well as getting to know everyone a bit more. The dog and Casey got along amazingly well, which a was a huge blessing. The cats were another matter, but there were only a few extended outbursts there. Even still we left for home a day early, and instead of stopping as planned, we made the 750 miles in a bit over 11 hours. And we were so thankful for our home. We haven't been away that long from this house, and being somewhere else made us so thankful for all that we have been given here. And it made us realize how far set we are in our ways. May God grant us flexibility and patience in the days ahead.

After thinking so many baby thoughts for a couple of weeks, it makes me remember my attitude before we were married: I thought we had it figured out, and all that was left was the living. Thankfully that foolish dream was burst rather quickly. Yet I find myself there again. I read the books and think about what being a parent might be like and think: we can do this, we've got it figured out, so bring it on. I'm sure I'm wrong, yet I don't know how to shake that haughty attitude that obviously hasn't been purged yet. I believe the friends that tell me that kids are a much bigger change than marriage was, so it seems I'm in for an even greater awakening. May God grant me humility and reliance upon Him.

In a few minutes it will officially be my 27th birthday. Outside the wind is raging. Inside I'm not as stormy as I usually am this time of year. Perhaps it's because I'm too excited to be a father to bother with my standard petty "it's another year and what have you done" depression. I may have a bit of that in me still, but the wonder, fear and joy of it all have me in a swirl. I'm taking off of work tomorrow, and health permitting we're hoping to at the very least sit down and write down some hopes, dreams and goals for our family. I pray that God will give us strength, humility and love as we look to the future. Yet more than anything right now, I pray that our children will know and love Jesus from childhood and serve Him well all of their days. Of course I still have other hopes and fears, but if and when all else fades away, I pray that I will be with my children and their children in heaven, praising Jesus together forever. Oh Lord, be faithful to your covenant promises.

still no sleep

It's 4:29 am. Yuck.

Michelle left for Philly on a jetplane yesterday, arriving safe and healthy, thankful for an uneventful and relatively unstressful journey. Many people prayed for her trip, and the Lord answered those prayers.

So I slept alone. And woke up at 3am alone. Thinking. It' like I'm 10 years old and it's Christmas in the morning. But no, I'm 26 and I've got a baby on the way and a big drive ahead of me, with just me and the pup up I-81. Thankfully the O'hanions, a pair of college friends, are letting us stop over on the way, so I needn't fear overly late nights driving through the Shanendoah snow. The blessings of friendship continue to amaze.

So at 3:30 am I realize that since my digicam just broke that I need to come up with a solution for Christmas pics. I grumble against my ancient Agfa 1mp camera, but I can't do without it either. Now that there's a kiddo on the way, I've got the perfect excuse for one of those little Sonys. Oh please 3HD, will there be a Xmas bonus this year? Anyway, the old one still takes pictures, but I can't get them off. So a USB smartmedia reader is on the way to Philly now. I know it's a cliche by now, but you just gotta love shopping online. Add a $10 rebate and it's nearly cheap as free.

It's still too early to start packing or cleaning the kitchen, so I should try to sleep now. But I can't. I still thrill at the prospect of telling my parents we're expecting a child. And I miss my little family so far away. I wonder if she's nibbling on a triscuit by her beside right now. It sounds so much like a bunny eating that I can't help but smile no matter how early. I wonder how she's sleeping without the Airsleep. I wonder how her body will react now that she's off the fibro medication (until the 3rd trimester). I dream about how much more beautiful she's going to look with the baby-on-board belly, and how I'm going to need to remind her of that at least 3 times a day. I can't wait to get her maternity clothes...I even went over the Xmas shopping budget yesterday (for the baby, of course), buying her some cozy and cute sweatpants, size XXL so she and the kid can grow into them. Hopefully they'll work out. And I still wonder how we're going to afford all this, trying to remind myself that the Lord will provide, as He always has, and He always will. Yet we must be diligent, wise, faithful.

OK time to try to sleep a bit before cleaning, loading up, working, and driving. Next stop Blacksburg, VA, then on to Philly tomorrow.

No sleep, just excitement.

It seems as if the pregnancy is in full force now. She's got many of the usual symptoms: hyper-sensitive to smells, only wants to eat bland food, nausea, up in the middle of the night to eat (I cooked her eggs the first time, got the cottage cheese twice since). Her appetite is raging, yet it's hard for her to eat much. Cruel irony. Yet oatmeal might as well be manna. Weird.

The nurse thinks she's at least six weeks. A friend who is a midwife thinks more like 10, based on her symptoms. January 7 is the big day: the first sonogram, and we'll know better what timeframe we're looking at. Assuming all goes well then, we've decided that's when we're going to let the news out. For now it's a very short list. Michelle's family and just a couple friends. It's been impossibly hard not to tell my family, but after my sister's many miscarriages, and a particularly painful one recently, we decided it was best to keep it from them until after Christmas. My parents will probably stop for a visit around New Year's, so hopefully we'll be able to drop the bomb on them in person. I can only imagine their faces. Yet we're keenly aware of the all-to-high probablity of a miscarriage, so we're praying and waiting until the sonogram to find out more. "Photographic evidence," as I like to say: I'm pretty sure I'll cry. A lot.

For better or worse, there will be a lot to keep us busy until sonogram day. Michelle should be boarding a plane for Philadelphia right about now, and the dog and I will follow her with the car tomorrow. We're spending the holidays with her family at her sister's house. Oh by the way: her sister is pregnant with twins! Michelle's parents will go from having one grandchild to 4. When it rains...

So we'll spend the holidays visiting various relatives, doing our best to hold back the big news and trying not to throw up. For most of us, instead of holiday feasts there will be nibbles off a triscuit or perhaps some eggs. Most of her extended family is aware that she has health issues, and fortunately most if not all are unaware of her usual symptoms and needs, so it won't be too hard to blame all the pregnancy weirdness on general bad health. I'm sure there will be suspicions from the savvy.

We'll be up north until the 29th and drive down to be home for my 27th birthday. I want nothing but a healthy baby and wife. And perhaps a bit more financial security, but God is faithful and wise: we trust Him to take care of all of our needs and bless us in His good time.

I can hardly sleep, or even think straight during the day, and it's not the midnight feedings. The first couple of days I was stressing out, as they say. If you would have asked me, I would have said I'm excited and scared, and my body was saying the same thing: acid churning in my stomach, my left eyelid twitching every twenty minutess. Thankfully that's subsided.

There is far too much to think and dream about. We're both awake in the middle of the night, so we lie there dreaming together, checking in on eachothers hopes and fears. I can only assume my fears are natural: I'm afraid that we'll lose the baby. I'm afraid of a difficult pregnancy. I'm afraid of a complicated delivery. I'm afraid of being unable to afford all of this. I'm afraid of how my sister will react, after trying so long and losing so many babies and wanting it so bad.

But the hopes are winning out. I happend to have watched "Return of the King" yesterday, and there's a brief dream scene involving Aragorn and his future child. Just seeing this cute little kid running into his daddy's arms: I started tearing up! And I don't think teaching the preschool Sunday School class will ever be the same. God has done amazing things in my heart with and through those kids: changing fear and ignorance of kids to delight and just-a-little-less-ignorance. After just a year I saw an almost-always difficult and contrary little boy turn into a ready-to-please (yet still quite active) delight. On the other hand the sweetest kid in the bunch has turned stubborn, at least on a bad day. Either way, you gotta love em. And I pray that God will fill our hearts with love for Him, for eachother, and for this tiny baby that He is now knitting together.

Life: reloaded.

I feel I'm starting over today. I'm 15 days away from turning 27, and yet it feels like God just hit the "reset" button on the console of my life. Everything is different now.

Of course it started out like any other day: just another Monday, and I enjoyed staying busy, even enjoying grumbling against the client who changed her mind three times in the final hours before launching the new site. Michelle called about 5:15, asking me to come home soon, as she was quite ready for dinner. There was only one clue that something different was up as I pulled up to the house: all the shades on the windows were wide open (usually those in the dining room are closed).

When I walked in, Michelle was much more smiley than usual, which was somewhat suspicious, especially since last we talked she was on the verge of a breakdown. I immediately assumed (correctly) that she went ahead and had a little something to eat. What I didn't expect was a funny look on her face and her exorting me to open an early Christmas present as she grabbed the camera. I unwraped the small soft package to reveal a sock. And there was apparently something in a sock -- a pocket knife or some such implement. I take it out and, lo and be-freakin-hold: two pink lines! Two!!! And the little diagram next to the lines: [ ](|) = not pregnant, [|](|) = pregnant!

So with fear and trembing and an amazing amount of excitement welling up in me, my eyes started to fill with drops of joy mixed with unbelief.
"No."
"Yes!!" as she takes another picture of me.
"Are you sure?!"
"Yes!!"
"It's not because of the pill?"
"No, I asked the doctor, and he said that couldn't happen."

You see, we never expected it to happen this way. There was a time not long ago when Michelle had her cycle perhaps twice a year. Not exactly predictable. But since she's been on the treatment for fibromyalgia, we both have held out hope that her reproductive issues might be resolved when the fibro cleared up. Since she's less than a year into the treatment, it seemed like it would be a while before the ovaries would start behaving, if at all. Since there's family history, we both assumed that we'd be visiting the infertility clinic sometime next year, and if you can't read between these lines: we haven't bothered to prevent pregnancy for a while now. And she just went on the pill to regulate her cycles. We still don't know if the got pregnant before or after she started taking the pill, but it would be just like God's sense of humor and perspective.

The stronger Michelle has been getting this year, the more she's wanted to start trying to have a baby. We would talk about it now and then, and it would end up in the "we'll cross that bridge" category, at least in my mind. Little did I know that we were crossing the bridge already. After watching family and friends struggle with various infertility treatments, I was truly dreading having to wade through that emotional and physical stress. We talked about it not long ago: "I really don't want to go through all that so soon after dealing with all this fibro stuff." So she replied: "Let's pray that God will bless us and let us have kids on our own." So we prayed. And God answered. Like so many folks of old, God worked a miracle in us. He heard our feeble prayers and answered in an amazing way. Why did He choose to answer us this way and our loved ones another? Certainly not because of us, and perhaps we'll never know. We just pray that He'll bless others in His good time.

After just a few hours of "shock and awe" it feels like it's going to take a while to get used to this. I had her take another pregancy test, just to be sure. Two more pink lines. As they say in the movies: woah.