still joy

I dont mean to give the impression that all is doom and gloom with this baby stress these days. he is still a delight, but there is still stress. he's actually a very mellow baby (which is part of the problem, but has its advantages). he freaks out when we change his diaper, but other than that, he's content to hang out and look cute, which he does very well.

it seems as if his appetite is increasing, which is an answer to prayer. mama's milk is coming in stronger. we've armed ourselves with various meds to knock out the thrush. we're settling into something of a routine and getting a bit more sleep, so things are looking up a bit. we need to remember to pray, and not just the desperate little prayers.

tomorrow is another weigh-in for Caleb, so we'll see how far he's come.

thanks to steve for this:

exhausted

it has been an exhausting week. we're not quite utterly spent, but it seems that we're getting close. Oh Jesus, will you give us more strength?

after the most amazing and joyful 2 weeks of our life, we suddenly were thrown into pretty much the most stressful time we've ever had. Caleb was losing weight. we know that weight loss at the fist week is normal, but to keep losing at the second week is cause for concern.

we thought we were doing fine, since he was apparently eating ok and looking good. but we've got a lazy eater on our hands, so mama's milk hasnt come in well. add to that some of mama's own health issues that affect milk supply. but mama especially has her heart set on nursing, for various good reasons, so we persevere.

so we jumped into the feeding frenzy. mama's taking suppliments to bring her milk back in. we have him nurse for over an hour. then suppliment with formula by finger feeding, which would take 30-45 minutes. meanwhile mama would be pumping what she could, and we'd give him that too. then I'd wash all the bottles and pump stuff and whatnot. then hopefully take a nap and start the process all over again. we've been doing this since wednesday, only trading in the finger feeding for bottles on sunday.

all of this is not only physically draining, but especially emotionally exhausting as well. we're not sure if we can keep this up. the milk seems to be coming back in, but we're not sure if caleb will eat well enough or not. he seldom acts hungry. who's ever heard of a baby that's content to starve? add to this a bad case of thrush, causing mama serious pain, and it's starting to not seem worth it any more.

but we're not giving up yet. we really do believe it will be for the best if we can get him to nurse, but there comes a point when we'll decide that we've given it our best try and it's time to move on to other options.

so pray for us please, for strength, patience, health, wisdom and peace.

all dressed up

five years ago last night I was bar hopping in a little dress in buckhead with a vanload of friends. I had lots of guiness and one fine dessert if I remember correctly. then it was a return to the "hot house" for the placement of obligatory messages to my new wife, scrawled on my person with markers. but since we're a mild crowd, they used washable markers. poor greg, when it was his turn, we used sharpies at the very last minute. anyway, my favorite part of my mellow bachelor party was just hanging out, talking about the past, present, and future.

who would have thought that 5 years later I'm in the midst of 'round-the-clock baby feedings (that take roughly 2 hours each time), which is much more of a struggle than I ever would have guessed. we've been through some really really hard times and some unbelievably good times, and God has blessed us through them all.

getting there

my son has the uncanny ability to dump another load in his pants mere minutes after I change his previously soiled diaper. that and shooting me with pee. the joys of parenthood.

in other news, we havent taken his picture in 2 days, which is indeed a milestone.

also, he has inherited far too much of my personality. call it laziness or laid-back-ness (depending on how nice you want to be). his number one job right now is eating, and too often he's sleeping on the job and he's not a very efficient eater either. so we've got to take some action. we've got a plan, and it wont be easy, but we're giving it our best shot. a crazy combination of machinery, herbs, and perseverance. we hope to avoid feeding him forumla (for various reasons I wont go into now), so we're determined to make this work. gotta get some meat on his little bones.

so pray for patience, peace, endurance, healing, and rest. pray that he will eat better, that Michelle will continue to persevere, and that I will serve them both well.

blogiversary

I dont usually like posts about blogging (like "I'm up to 100 entries" or "sorry I havent posted in a while"). something about such things seems too self-promoting or ingrown or something.

but on the day after my son was born, I had my first blogiversary. as I look back at the archives, it was slow-going until the news of Caleb came, and then I started posting just about every-other-day. lots of baby thoughts. I hope someday that my kid(s) will read this and know how faithful God is to us. it's also nice to be able to keep up with folks, and the interaction is a lot like the first year I used email...still exciting with each comment posted. I wonder how many lurkers there are out there? any of you silent types care to make your presence known?

far more importantly, it's our 5th anniversary on saturday. I always promised to take Michelle to Scotland for our 5th anniversary, but I think we'd both rather have Caleb than a trip, so we're staying home. maybe a picnic. I hope to gather more thoughts on this milestone soon, but until then, check out our wedding pictures here.

winners

announcing the winners of the "name the baby" contest:

Erin (Mollenkof) Bindewald correctly guessed Caleb as his first name and was very close with the middle, guessing John (which is my middle name).

Heather Cross got the height, weight, and hair correct.

2 people guessed the date correctly: Rebecca Tredway and Kat Haase.

Thanks for playing!

useless to resist

with charms like these, who can resist? I present the cutest kid on the face of the planet:

more pictures here.

in other news, caleb is doing quite well. he's awake more during the day and sleeping more at night. hopefully this trend will continue. we're falling more and more in love with him, and I'm quite sure there's no stopping that. michelle's folks have been here this week, cooking up a storm, helping late at night, fixing and painting stuff, and loving on their newest grandbaby. I've started back with work, so far going in for a half day and working from home for the rest. we'll see how that goes. I'm so thankful for such flexibility. michelle is still recovering, and our big day of first bath, first doctor visit, and first public feeding took it out of her a bit. but overall she's doing well and growing into a wonderful mom. we cherish each moment with our little miracle.

the mother of all labors

God blessed and sustained us through many long days of labor. here's the long version of Caleb's birth story, from daddy's perspective:

it started on friday august 6 with some relatively mild and regular contractions. by saturday evening, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and one minute long, and michelle was getting pretty serious. could this be it? sure looked like it. we called the doctor who said to come get checked when they were about 3 minutes apart and quite strong. after throwing up and getting a series of strong contractions around 10pm, we decided to head in. everything was already packed, so I loaded everything up and we were off, contracting regularly every three minutes.

when we got there, michelle was sure that she'd be dialated a good deal more than her checkup on friday, but alas, no progress and therefore much frustration and confusion. after a short while, we decided to head back home and try to relax during this longest part of labor (usually). the nurse at the hospital was sure we'd be back sunday morning.

it was a very long night. michelle still had regular and strong contractions. we tried every trick in the book to either help her relax or help move things along. she took a bath. we walked around the block at 4am. I talked her through relaxing as much as possible. she let me doze for a while, and then when she couldnt get me to wake up, I got a nice slap in the head. a classic moment.

but in the end there was just more frustration. we were both very tired, and she was quite exhausted. she had a hard time keeping food down. we'd run out of things to try to make things better, and we didnt want to be induced. but we were so tired. so early sunday morning we called our childbirth class teacher, who pretty much advised us to chill out. maybe this isnt the right time, so we should try to sleep and just wait for the baby's timing.

sunday and monday things calmed down a bit, but she was still contracting every ten minutes or so, and they were strong enough to keep her from sleeping. but during the day we did our best to get through it, playing games and resting as much as possible.

we had a checkup on tuesday, and she had progressed to 3cm and 90%. the doctor assured us that these days of labor would make the last stages much easier, once again proving that although he's the kindest doctor we know, he's not much of a prophet. but that was enough to send us home happier.

tuesday evening things started picking up again. the contractions were getting harder and closer, and being first-timers, we didnt want to get caught at home or on the road, so we packed up the stuff and went to get checked again. we werent sure if we'd be heading home again or not, but we wanted to be safe. when we got there, there was no change from our checkup that day, which led to more sadness and frustration. why was this so hard yet not effective? so we headed home once more, figuring we'd be able to better relax there.

but a few hours after we got home, contractions got even harder and even closer, and we knew it was finally time to go in and not come home without a baby. we didnt care if there was no progress from before. we were going, and we were staying. just making the descision was a big lift.

so we checked in at midnight tuesday/wednesday and she was still 3 cm. we called our parents and our childbirth class teacher Stephanie. she came to be with us to help us through, and she stayed all night. even when she arrived she looked amazingly tired, but she never complained. always encouraging and helpful, we can't thank her enough. through her class and help, we know that we were able to make the best choices we could.

knowing michelle needed to relax, we got her in the whirlpool tub while we waited for the doctor to arrive. after only 10 minutes in the water, she progressed to 6 cm! maybe things would happen quickly now? michelle was of course exhausted, but we were hopeful.

excited by our progress, we had her water broken to see if things would continue to move along quickly. but that complicated things, since there was meconium (baby's first bowel movement) in the fluid. this isn't unusual, but it can cause complications. in severe cases, a c-section is performed right away, but since there wasnt much in our case, the doctor ordered baby and michelle to be constantly monitored.

unfortunately this meant that she couldnt go in the shower, and she couldnt move around and do the other things we've learned that help relax her and progress labor. so she rocked in the rocking chair for about 5 hours, contractions getting ever stronger, but remaining at 6 cm. she would have spells of anxiety and discouragement, but I kept trying to keep her spirits up, thinking that she would have her second (third? fourth?) wind when it was time to push.

but since she hadnt progressed, the doctor wanted to start intervening with pitocin and/or and epidural. since we wanted to do things as naturally as possible, we came to a difficult point. we were all exhausted, and things werent moving along. but he let her get in the shower to relax a bit and see if things would progress, and she did get to 7 cm. so he said she'd earned another hour to see if things would happen on its own.

this was what we wanted, but when faced with it, we knew it wasnt what we wanted anymore. she was so very exhausted, after 4+ days of labor, she knew she couldnt go any farther. she didnt want to face another contraction, as each was draining her whole body, despite her best efforts to relax through it all. so after much discussion, we finally decided to get an epidural so we could rest for the delivery.

having been dedicated to natural childbirth, this decision was very difficult for us. she had made it so long and done so very well, we almost felt like we were giving up. but we were reminded that we needed to make the best decision for our particular labor, and soon as we decided, we knew it was best.

so she got the epidural and we promptly slept for 3+ hours. during this time, my parents had arrived at the hospital, and we invited my mom to witness the birth. when the nurse came to check on michelle, she was a little surprised: she was 10cm, and the baby was crowning! I looked and could see his hair! we were almost there. they quickly summoned the doctor, and our birthing suite was suddenly transformed into a hospital room.

energized by sleep and the excitement of finally seeing our son, michelle was ready to push. she was such a good pusher, and the baby was so far along, that it only took 3 contractions and about 10 minutes of pushing before he was out! his little cries filled the room (and didnt stop for about an hour) and we were all sobbing with joy.

because of the meconium, they had to quickly give him deep suction and oxygen and all that good stuff, so I didnt get to cut the cord. but soon enough he was in our arms, breathing his first air.

so Caleb Robert Wiegers came into the world at 11:11am on August 11, 2004. He weighed 8 pounds, 1 ounce and measured 22 inches long. He looks a lot like his daddy, with a good portion of his mama too, and has lots of long dark hair. every last health report and checkup has been great, for which we are very thankful.

we praise God for this miracle that He has given us.

things I love

* the way he moves his arms slowly and rhythmically when I play him music
* the look he gets in his eyes when he's looking at the sky
* the fine yet dark hair covering his back and shoulders
* the way his lower lip quivers when he's getting upset
* how he'll immediately quiet down as soon as the diaper is on, after
minutes of high-volume crying
* his dark grey-blue eyes, which I suspect and hope will turn brown
* his full head of long brown hair
* his long toes and fingers and legs
* the half-smiles he gives me (for a total of one thus far)
* every last bit of him

learning

there are just too many thoughts and emotions to know what to put down. i'll start with the immediate: it was another long night. he doesnt seem to sleep well unless he's being held, so we're trying to adapt to that for now. soon he'll of course need to develop the skill of sleeping alone, but there are so many other adjustments going on that we'll give him time.

last night was the first time I got really frustrated with his screaming. I could calm him down, but when I went to put him down, he'd start up again. so I eventually just set him down and went to bed, hoping he'd tire out on his own. mama came to the rescue after a while, and she let me sleep a bit. then it was my turn to let her sleep, so I snuggled with him on the couch for a few hours. truly this was a precious experience that I'll probably never be able to really describe. our love for him is growing exponentially, and moments such as these bring the beautiful emotions to the surface.

I'm so proud of how Caleb and Mama are doing with feedings. the first few attempts were a bit frustrating for everyone, since he was a little spaced out and cranky (and so were we for that matter). nursing is a bit of an aquired skill for some kids (and moms too of course) so Mama stuck with it so well, and the nurses and such at the hospital helped them figure it out. now he's unstoppable. if he's awake and hasnt just ate, he'll gladly try to suck your finger off. it would be nice to not have to wake up every 3 hours to fill him up, but that's the way it goes. we're trying to get him on a good pattern of feedings, waketime and sleeptime, but we have to remind ourselves to be flexible.

what else? the dog is doing very well with the changes. we're shocked at how calm she is, and how little jealousy she's shown. she's curious at times, and we warn her away from licking him (for now at least), and she listens quite well. she cant help but get up and follow us around the house in the middle of the night, so I think she's as tired as we are. her behavior has definitely been an answer to prayer.

my parents left yesterday, and they'll be back for an extended visit in a little while. michelle's parents come soon, and we're especially looking forward to michelle's mom helping michelle learn how to be a mom. our time with my folks was very nice. they couldnt be more excited (Caleb's their first grandbaby), and my mom was able to watch him being born. but for now we have a few days of just the 3 of us, which will be great to get to know and love eachother quietly (and perhaps not-so-) for a bit.

I put a few more pictures on our site, and there are many many more where those came from. I need to find time to sort through them. thanks to all for your prayers and encouragement, and we'd love you to stop by if you're around (please call first). hopefully soon I'll write down our birth story, which involves a really long labor, a really short delivery, a really brave and strong mama, and a really really wonderful child.

praise God, from whom all blessings flow.

1st night home

i am tired. my son apparently is not. he's in my arm as I bounce him, looking all around, moving his tiny hands and arms. he's been crying most of the night, except when he's eating, but we cant do that all night, as much as he would apparently like to. mama needs sleep, so here we are. he apparently likes bouncing, so we bounce, me and the cutest creature ever. i need to remember that i've looked forward to moments like these for many months.

hopefully soon he'll catch on to the idea that there's good times to be awake and good times to sleep.

caleb robert wiegers

praise God! our son Caleb Robert Wiegers was born on wednesday, august 11, at 11:11am. he weighed in at 8 pounds 1 oz, measured 22" long and has lots of long dark hair. caleb and mama and dad are all quite well. more details and many pictures to come soon.

first pictures here. more later. sleepy time now.

progress and encouragement

still no baby, but all is relatively well. we just had a checkup, and baby is doing quite well, and Michelle's body has progressed enough to keep our spirits up. she's now about 3cm and 90%. the doctor is sure that all this work these past few days will make the hard labor much shorter and easier, which is exactly what we needed to hear. he's so kind and patient with us: we know he'd rather go ahead and induce now, but he respects our wishes to wait it out, for now at least.

the next appointment is thursday, and if we make it that far, we will induce and/or break her water on monday. everyone thinks she wont make it that far, but everyone has been wrong before.

we didnt get much sleep last night, so we'll do our best to rest today. in other baby news, ben and laini huffine had their baby boy the other day: jaron mosi huffine, and everyone is well.

hopefully soon for us? we know Jesus is with us. a tearful reading of psalm 91 did our hearts much good this morning. please keep praying for us.

warmup

since it was the most beautiful day of the summer this friday, we took a picnic (and the dog) to chester frost park and had a relaxing good time. soon after we got home michelle started having mild and regular contractions. nothing too serious, but worth paying attention to.

when we woke up on saturday (baby's due date) the contractions were a bit stronger and a bit closer together. still nothing serious yet, but we were wondering if this was it. so we did some chores and whatnot, trying not to get too excited.

by saturday evening, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and one minute long, and michelle was getting pretty serious. could this be it? sure looked like it. we called the doctor who said to come get checked when they were about 3 minutes apart and quite strong. after throwing up and getting a series of strong contractions around 10pm, we decided to head in. everything was already packed, so I loaded everything up and we were off, contracting regularly every three minutes.

when we got there, michelle was sure that she'd be dialated a good deal more than her checkup on friday, but alas, no progress and therefore much frustration and confusion. after a short while, we decided to head back home and try to relax during this longest part of labor (usually). the nurse at the hospital was sure we'd be back sunday morning.

it was a very long night. michelle still had regular and strong contractions. we tried every trick in the book to either help her relax or help move things along. she took a bath. we walked around the block at 4am. I talked her through relaxing as much as possible. she let me doze for a while, and then when she couldnt get me to wake up, I got a nice slap in the head. a classic moment.

but in the end there was just more frustration. we were both very tired, and she was quite exhausted. she had a hard time keeping food down. we'd run out of things to try to make things better, and we didnt want to be induced. but we were so tired. so early sunday morning we called our childbirth class teacher, who pretty much advised us to chill out. maybe this isnt the right time, so we should try to sleep and just wait for the baby's timing.

the contractions have slowed down considerably, and they're not very strong. we slept a good deal in the morning, and michelle most of the afternoon. she can keep down some food now, so the goal is to gather her strength for when the baby is really ready.

our frustration, fear, and dissappointment ran quite high. we've cried a good deal this weekend. we've prayed and cried out. we've finally come to the place where we're ok with calling this weekend our warmup labor, and seeing when it'll start back up again. maybe tonight? maybe in a couple days? who knows? we're so thankful for our kind and patient doctor and childbirth teacher, who have guided us through this frustration.

so now we pray that baby will come in God's good timing. we are clearly not in control of this miraculous process. we pray that Michelle will be able to be strong for labor, and overcome our fears of another frustrating stall. we need to keep our eyes focused on Jesus and the goal of holding our precious son in our arms. hopefully soon.

not only tough but silly

thanks to steve for the link to this article about a woman who played for the chattanooga lookouts and, in her only appearance, struck out some players you may have heard of. and then the jerks fired her.

my favorite detail is the quote from the NY daily news at the end: "The Yankees will meet a club here that has a girl pitcher named Jackie Mitchell, who has a swell change of pace and swings a mean lipstick. I suppose that in the next town the Yankees enter they will find a squad that has a female impersonator in left field, a sword swallower at short, and a trained seal behind the plate. Times in the South are not only tough but silly."

spirited away (far away)

we're still watching more movies than is probably good for us, although we've balanced it out a bit with a few settlers games.

so last night we watched "spirited away" which is a japanese animation about which I've heard great things. we dig on animated stuff. we've even dabbled in claymation. but I submit "spirited away" for my nominee as "the strangest movie ever."

I admit I am clueless about japanese spirituality, but I dont think my ignorance can account for the completely random plotlines. and the super annoying voice of the girl. the characters did and said stuff that I kept hoping I would understand as we moved along, but alas, I was left confounded. there were some genuinely funny and clever elements, but they were few, and most contributed to the randomness of the entire experience. add to all this the fact that our hero looked like a monkey whenever they did a profile shot. at least it killed 2 hours for us.

to conclude, I borrow a phrase from one of the great film critics of our times: "japanese cartoons are weird, man."

he's still hiding

and we're still waiting. my guess is he'll come next week, but I've been wrong before. we're going a little crazy with impatience. at least there's an entertaining discussion about leg hair going on over on lynn's blog, and a cool quiz about where you might live thanks to alli. chattanooga was #4 on my list.

books for kids

our friends joe and rachel went to honduras for the better part of a year. among other things, they brought back a desire to serve the community that was home to them. so they've set up a non-profit organization and website in order to make a library for the kids and other folks there. so check it out and send them some books. I'll let joe fill in the blogosphere on more details hopefully soon.

movies

thanks to the peterson's generosity with their netflix, we've been watching a lot of movies as we wait for the baby to come. seems like most of them lately have been non-special-effects dramas and such, which is a refreshing change...just to have a good story acted well. we're generally behind the curve since we dont see all that many movies, so most recently we took in:

spellbound - a documentary about the national spelling bee. alway interesting, sometimes frightening, sometimes really funny. this sparked a good conversation about parenting, since some of the parents were basically slave drivers. I really dont think I want my kid memorizing words for 50 hours a week, but who knows what the future holds?

shattered glass - a true story about the reporter who made up stories in the New Republic back in '99. a well made film about a very messed up guy. bonus features include a '60 minutes' interview with the actual guy, who proves that, 5 years later, he's still messed up.

august

there's an old joke/saying about how you should never pray for patience, because if you do, God will send you something to teach you to be patient. well that's us. ugh. COME ON BABY ALREADY!!!

so it's finally august. for a while there we honestly thought the baby would be here by now. if your doctor tells you your baby is going to come early, DONT believe him! he doesnt know any better than you do, and then you'll be going crazy. thanks so much, doctor prophet.

so we watch movies. and we go swimming. Michelle's even been knitting again. I've been avoiding mowing the lawn for quite some time, thanks partly to the rains. but I keep the kitchen spotless each night, in case this is the night. our bags are packed. and we wait.

we still pray for patience, because that's what we need everyday. I've been told we'll look back at these last days with fondness, and I'm sure that's true. but now that Michelle's sister's babies are here, we feel all the more ready. so come on little guy. we're waiting for you.