finally told the fam

We wanted to wait until the weekend, but it didn't quite work out that way. My parents called for my birthday and we were doing the usual chatting. I was trying to casually convince my mom to stop by our place this weekend, but it would be 2 hours out of their way (each way), and they were figuring on seeing us in a couple weeks anyway. So she was being excruciatingly non-commital about coming by. That and they were making all these plans about the big trip in the middle of January that we were figuring on skipping.

So considering all this, I got all excited about telling her. We made eyes and other motions at eachother, and we both knew it was time to spill it. So I got back on the phone and said something like "We wanted to tell you this earlier, but we don't think we'll be able to make the trip in January. But the reason is that MICHELLE'S PREGNANT!" The reaction was relatively predictable: "WHAT! WHAT?! ... holy crow!" which is a classic mom phrase.

It was the usual reaction: initial complete disbelief, followed closely by bewildered mild disbelief, resolving into general hysterics and excitement. Dad was suspecting because I enlisted him to get mom over here this weekend, and he figured the reason why. Apparently neither of them slept well at all that night (fortunately we are these days), and mom cried just about every time she told someone.

Then came one of the hardest calls I've ever had to make. I needed to tell my sister, who has had quite a few miscarriages, and the most recent being particularly emotionally painful. Since I know it means so much to her, I've always wanted her to be able to have a kid before we did, but it seems as if that's not going to happen. So I called her up, and she thought it was funny that I was calling her on my birthday. The initial humor of that moment made it even harder. So I said something like, "We've got some good news that may be hard for you to hear: Michelle is pregnant." I may be wrong, but I remember it being rather quiet. She was brave however, asking the usual questions for a few moments. I said something about us wanting her to be first. After a short while, with her voice breaking up, she said she needed to go. I cannot begin to imagine the struggle she's going through. We just pray that God will bless them with a child of their own, and if that's not the plan, that He'll give them comfort and joy in Himself.

I also called my grandmother (dad's mom) and grandfather (mom's dad) and they were of course surprised and excited for us too.

It's so good to be surrounded by such loving and supportive family, and such a rich blessing to have a heritage of faith and love for our child. We pray that the baby will grow to know and love Jesus and have a strong and living faith of his or her own.

christmas adventures

The dog and I arrived two days after Michelle's flight, and the holiday cheer commenced. It was in fact one of the oddest holidays I've experienced: a strange mixture of brand new joy at our unexpected blessing and concern over Michelle's wildly unpredictable health and well-being. In short, she was sick for most of our time there. At worst, she threw up many times a day, and at best she was able to eat only basic things like oatmeal and grapefruit. As Michelle's sister is also pregnant (with twins!) and is dealing with similar issues, there wasn't much of a Christmas dinner, but no one seemed to mind.

There were definitely a few classic pregnancy moments during the trip. I think it was the night I arrived that Michelle got an uncontrollable craving for pizza. So we ordered a couple and Michelle promptly ate four pieces. This may not seem entirely unusual, but she has to be very careful with her diet due to her severe hypoglycemia, so she hasn't had pizza for years. Clearly this was thrown to the wind. She even had a fifth piece before dinner and two more for lunch the next day. But she paid for it that day especially as her metabolism bottomed out. And then there was the day where she could keep nothing down besides water, which is the leading culprit of her loss of about 15 pounds. Her illness caused the two of us to miss one extended family gathering, but overall she was able to enjoy time with family depite her sickness.

I had a strange sense of anxiety and anticipation about telling my family. They still do not know, as we're planning on telling my parents this week when they stop by after their visit with Herm and Judi in Blairsville. So I would lie awake at night, thinking about what and how we're going to tell them, and then of course during Chistmas calling them up and NOT telling them was more than difficult. We've decided that we're not going to the Bahamas with them, so we'll have to sort all that out when they come. We cannot imagine that my sister will be able to have the getaway that this whole trip is intended to provide if we're there, pregnant and excited. Of course we feel terrible that they've spent so much on this for us, but I have the feeling that they won't really mind in the long run.

I was usually in take-care-of-wife mode for the time that we were there. When she was napping I would read a book or sometimes play with Casey. Now and then I appreciated the opportunity to take the dog for a walk, feeling like the cousins at parties that would smoke out back: partly to smoke, partly to escape the madness for a few minutes. But I tried to be helpful in the kitchen, at least until Michelle's mom was on the scene, when I felt it was safer to fall into relax/lazy mode. Even then I did my best to tend to Michelle's needs, whether it was mixing apple sauce and yogurt or flushing it down the toilet after it came back up in one of many strategically placed bowls. Of course I would sieze the opportunity to mount my high horse: "See, this is how a good husband takes care of his wife..." Oh Lord, humble me. Once again we've vacated your Word and time with You on our vacation. Bring us back to yourself!

I don't think I slept soundly one night over the visit. Add that to the usual antsiness and irritiation of being in someone else's house for longer than a week, and we were ready to go home. Yet I don't want to be unthankful for such a good time away. Christmas day was a lot of fun as was spending time with her exetended family. Her grandfather and step-grandmother are so spunky even as they're pushing 90. And it was good to relax and forget about most of the usual everyday pressures, as well as getting to know everyone a bit more. The dog and Casey got along amazingly well, which a was a huge blessing. The cats were another matter, but there were only a few extended outbursts there. Even still we left for home a day early, and instead of stopping as planned, we made the 750 miles in a bit over 11 hours. And we were so thankful for our home. We haven't been away that long from this house, and being somewhere else made us so thankful for all that we have been given here. And it made us realize how far set we are in our ways. May God grant us flexibility and patience in the days ahead.

After thinking so many baby thoughts for a couple of weeks, it makes me remember my attitude before we were married: I thought we had it figured out, and all that was left was the living. Thankfully that foolish dream was burst rather quickly. Yet I find myself there again. I read the books and think about what being a parent might be like and think: we can do this, we've got it figured out, so bring it on. I'm sure I'm wrong, yet I don't know how to shake that haughty attitude that obviously hasn't been purged yet. I believe the friends that tell me that kids are a much bigger change than marriage was, so it seems I'm in for an even greater awakening. May God grant me humility and reliance upon Him.

In a few minutes it will officially be my 27th birthday. Outside the wind is raging. Inside I'm not as stormy as I usually am this time of year. Perhaps it's because I'm too excited to be a father to bother with my standard petty "it's another year and what have you done" depression. I may have a bit of that in me still, but the wonder, fear and joy of it all have me in a swirl. I'm taking off of work tomorrow, and health permitting we're hoping to at the very least sit down and write down some hopes, dreams and goals for our family. I pray that God will give us strength, humility and love as we look to the future. Yet more than anything right now, I pray that our children will know and love Jesus from childhood and serve Him well all of their days. Of course I still have other hopes and fears, but if and when all else fades away, I pray that I will be with my children and their children in heaven, praising Jesus together forever. Oh Lord, be faithful to your covenant promises.

still no sleep

It's 4:29 am. Yuck.

Michelle left for Philly on a jetplane yesterday, arriving safe and healthy, thankful for an uneventful and relatively unstressful journey. Many people prayed for her trip, and the Lord answered those prayers.

So I slept alone. And woke up at 3am alone. Thinking. It' like I'm 10 years old and it's Christmas in the morning. But no, I'm 26 and I've got a baby on the way and a big drive ahead of me, with just me and the pup up I-81. Thankfully the O'hanions, a pair of college friends, are letting us stop over on the way, so I needn't fear overly late nights driving through the Shanendoah snow. The blessings of friendship continue to amaze.

So at 3:30 am I realize that since my digicam just broke that I need to come up with a solution for Christmas pics. I grumble against my ancient Agfa 1mp camera, but I can't do without it either. Now that there's a kiddo on the way, I've got the perfect excuse for one of those little Sonys. Oh please 3HD, will there be a Xmas bonus this year? Anyway, the old one still takes pictures, but I can't get them off. So a USB smartmedia reader is on the way to Philly now. I know it's a cliche by now, but you just gotta love shopping online. Add a $10 rebate and it's nearly cheap as free.

It's still too early to start packing or cleaning the kitchen, so I should try to sleep now. But I can't. I still thrill at the prospect of telling my parents we're expecting a child. And I miss my little family so far away. I wonder if she's nibbling on a triscuit by her beside right now. It sounds so much like a bunny eating that I can't help but smile no matter how early. I wonder how she's sleeping without the Airsleep. I wonder how her body will react now that she's off the fibro medication (until the 3rd trimester). I dream about how much more beautiful she's going to look with the baby-on-board belly, and how I'm going to need to remind her of that at least 3 times a day. I can't wait to get her maternity clothes...I even went over the Xmas shopping budget yesterday (for the baby, of course), buying her some cozy and cute sweatpants, size XXL so she and the kid can grow into them. Hopefully they'll work out. And I still wonder how we're going to afford all this, trying to remind myself that the Lord will provide, as He always has, and He always will. Yet we must be diligent, wise, faithful.

OK time to try to sleep a bit before cleaning, loading up, working, and driving. Next stop Blacksburg, VA, then on to Philly tomorrow.

No sleep, just excitement.

It seems as if the pregnancy is in full force now. She's got many of the usual symptoms: hyper-sensitive to smells, only wants to eat bland food, nausea, up in the middle of the night to eat (I cooked her eggs the first time, got the cottage cheese twice since). Her appetite is raging, yet it's hard for her to eat much. Cruel irony. Yet oatmeal might as well be manna. Weird.

The nurse thinks she's at least six weeks. A friend who is a midwife thinks more like 10, based on her symptoms. January 7 is the big day: the first sonogram, and we'll know better what timeframe we're looking at. Assuming all goes well then, we've decided that's when we're going to let the news out. For now it's a very short list. Michelle's family and just a couple friends. It's been impossibly hard not to tell my family, but after my sister's many miscarriages, and a particularly painful one recently, we decided it was best to keep it from them until after Christmas. My parents will probably stop for a visit around New Year's, so hopefully we'll be able to drop the bomb on them in person. I can only imagine their faces. Yet we're keenly aware of the all-to-high probablity of a miscarriage, so we're praying and waiting until the sonogram to find out more. "Photographic evidence," as I like to say: I'm pretty sure I'll cry. A lot.

For better or worse, there will be a lot to keep us busy until sonogram day. Michelle should be boarding a plane for Philadelphia right about now, and the dog and I will follow her with the car tomorrow. We're spending the holidays with her family at her sister's house. Oh by the way: her sister is pregnant with twins! Michelle's parents will go from having one grandchild to 4. When it rains...

So we'll spend the holidays visiting various relatives, doing our best to hold back the big news and trying not to throw up. For most of us, instead of holiday feasts there will be nibbles off a triscuit or perhaps some eggs. Most of her extended family is aware that she has health issues, and fortunately most if not all are unaware of her usual symptoms and needs, so it won't be too hard to blame all the pregnancy weirdness on general bad health. I'm sure there will be suspicions from the savvy.

We'll be up north until the 29th and drive down to be home for my 27th birthday. I want nothing but a healthy baby and wife. And perhaps a bit more financial security, but God is faithful and wise: we trust Him to take care of all of our needs and bless us in His good time.

I can hardly sleep, or even think straight during the day, and it's not the midnight feedings. The first couple of days I was stressing out, as they say. If you would have asked me, I would have said I'm excited and scared, and my body was saying the same thing: acid churning in my stomach, my left eyelid twitching every twenty minutess. Thankfully that's subsided.

There is far too much to think and dream about. We're both awake in the middle of the night, so we lie there dreaming together, checking in on eachothers hopes and fears. I can only assume my fears are natural: I'm afraid that we'll lose the baby. I'm afraid of a difficult pregnancy. I'm afraid of a complicated delivery. I'm afraid of being unable to afford all of this. I'm afraid of how my sister will react, after trying so long and losing so many babies and wanting it so bad.

But the hopes are winning out. I happend to have watched "Return of the King" yesterday, and there's a brief dream scene involving Aragorn and his future child. Just seeing this cute little kid running into his daddy's arms: I started tearing up! And I don't think teaching the preschool Sunday School class will ever be the same. God has done amazing things in my heart with and through those kids: changing fear and ignorance of kids to delight and just-a-little-less-ignorance. After just a year I saw an almost-always difficult and contrary little boy turn into a ready-to-please (yet still quite active) delight. On the other hand the sweetest kid in the bunch has turned stubborn, at least on a bad day. Either way, you gotta love em. And I pray that God will fill our hearts with love for Him, for eachother, and for this tiny baby that He is now knitting together.

Life: reloaded.

I feel I'm starting over today. I'm 15 days away from turning 27, and yet it feels like God just hit the "reset" button on the console of my life. Everything is different now.

Of course it started out like any other day: just another Monday, and I enjoyed staying busy, even enjoying grumbling against the client who changed her mind three times in the final hours before launching the new site. Michelle called about 5:15, asking me to come home soon, as she was quite ready for dinner. There was only one clue that something different was up as I pulled up to the house: all the shades on the windows were wide open (usually those in the dining room are closed).

When I walked in, Michelle was much more smiley than usual, which was somewhat suspicious, especially since last we talked she was on the verge of a breakdown. I immediately assumed (correctly) that she went ahead and had a little something to eat. What I didn't expect was a funny look on her face and her exorting me to open an early Christmas present as she grabbed the camera. I unwraped the small soft package to reveal a sock. And there was apparently something in a sock -- a pocket knife or some such implement. I take it out and, lo and be-freakin-hold: two pink lines! Two!!! And the little diagram next to the lines: [ ](|) = not pregnant, [|](|) = pregnant!

So with fear and trembing and an amazing amount of excitement welling up in me, my eyes started to fill with drops of joy mixed with unbelief.
"No."
"Yes!!" as she takes another picture of me.
"Are you sure?!"
"Yes!!"
"It's not because of the pill?"
"No, I asked the doctor, and he said that couldn't happen."

You see, we never expected it to happen this way. There was a time not long ago when Michelle had her cycle perhaps twice a year. Not exactly predictable. But since she's been on the treatment for fibromyalgia, we both have held out hope that her reproductive issues might be resolved when the fibro cleared up. Since she's less than a year into the treatment, it seemed like it would be a while before the ovaries would start behaving, if at all. Since there's family history, we both assumed that we'd be visiting the infertility clinic sometime next year, and if you can't read between these lines: we haven't bothered to prevent pregnancy for a while now. And she just went on the pill to regulate her cycles. We still don't know if the got pregnant before or after she started taking the pill, but it would be just like God's sense of humor and perspective.

The stronger Michelle has been getting this year, the more she's wanted to start trying to have a baby. We would talk about it now and then, and it would end up in the "we'll cross that bridge" category, at least in my mind. Little did I know that we were crossing the bridge already. After watching family and friends struggle with various infertility treatments, I was truly dreading having to wade through that emotional and physical stress. We talked about it not long ago: "I really don't want to go through all that so soon after dealing with all this fibro stuff." So she replied: "Let's pray that God will bless us and let us have kids on our own." So we prayed. And God answered. Like so many folks of old, God worked a miracle in us. He heard our feeble prayers and answered in an amazing way. Why did He choose to answer us this way and our loved ones another? Certainly not because of us, and perhaps we'll never know. We just pray that He'll bless others in His good time.

After just a few hours of "shock and awe" it feels like it's going to take a while to get used to this. I had her take another pregancy test, just to be sure. Two more pink lines. As they say in the movies: woah.

Christmas Letter 2003

Dear Family and Friends,

We come to the end of another year, and we marvel at God's faithfulness throughout. We've been carried through quite a few ups and downs, especially in regards to health, and we look forward to what lies ahead.

The year started with a bit of heartache and confusion, although it was lined with hope. Michelle was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and her declining health forced her to quit her part-time teaching job at Chattanooga Christian School. At the same time, we learned of a little-known treatment for fibromyalgia that is inexpensive and safe, if not a little complex. At times it was difficult to understand why God would allow this terrible disease to take away Michelle's health, but His faithfulness and grace overwhelmed our wandering hearts. We were especially comforted by the prayers and help from our family and friends during this difficult time.

We were also encouraged by the willingness of our loved ones to come visit us this year. We were not able to travel as much as we like, so the visits from Michelle's parents and her sisters and niece early in the year were fun and encouraging.

Our first spring at our new house was full of color. It seems like each day there was a new surprise, as the cherry, tulip, iris, rose and many other blossoms ushered in the warmth. It was such an unexpected blessing to have so many flowers to admire around our little yard. We were inspired to start our first backyard garden, and had a lot of fun working the earth together. It was quite a learning experience too: we won a few battles and enjoyed some good crops, but overall the bugs won the war this year. Hopefully next year we'll be able to be more diligent in fending off those pesky pests.

By the time the sunflowers nearly reached the roof, it was the middle of the summer and a time of change at work. One good friend and coworker moved out to Colorado and another went off to law school. We also moved our office, but only just down the block. Perhaps most notably for us, I received a generous raise, which was such a blessing in God's good timing. We've been struggling under the weight of school debt among other things, and we are now seeking ways to honor God better by being better stewards with what He's given us. Please pray for us as we continue to learn much in this area.

Our fourth anniversary came at the end of the summer and our families generously sent us to a cabin getaway in the Georgia mountains. We hadn't traveled in a long time, so it was such a good time to leave our worries behind with some downtime in the hills. As the summer came to a close Michelle joined a weekly study with Bible Study Fellowship. We've both been blessed by how much of the Word she has been learning each week.

In November Michelle's health took a turn for the best. We are so thankful that the treatment for her fibromyalgia is showing some clear improvements. The treatment program is a somewhat long and drawn-out process, so it's very encouraging to be able to look back and see such improvement. We're hopeful that next year she'll have regained most of her strength. If you know of anyone with fibromyalgia who may be interested in learning more about this, please don't hesitate to contact us.

We’re excited for Michelle’s parents as they embark on a new adventure this coming year. Her Dad graduated from seminary this spring and they have been waiting on the Lord’s timing to plant a new church. Now they have been called to start a ministry in Champaign-Urbana, Illinois, and you can find out all about it at www.Champaign-UrbanaPCA.org. I was happy to be able to do this little website for them, and speaking of: Michelle and I are planning on pursuing more small website side-jobs this year (proceeds go toward our debt relief fund), so if you know of anyone needing such work, let us know.

We're headed to Pennsylvania for the holidays and taking the dog too! Speaking of Katie, she's still the cutest little dog ever and she always has us laughing. She had some odd health issues of her own this year, but it turned out to be nothing especially serious. There is no lack of pictures of her on our website (wiegersfamily.com), and there you will also find lots of pictures and updates on our various adventures.

As Christmas approaches, we're looking forward to spending some good time with Michelle's family as we celebrate the coming of Jesus. We truly hope you know and love Jesus this Christmas and beyond. Thanks to many of you for your continued prayers, and as always, we'd love to hear from you or see you soon.


Much love,
Bob and Michelle

puzzle for ya

Chris McCartney found this in a book:

Why are the following numbers in this order?
8 5 4 9 1 7 6 3 2