October 14, 2004
tired
I love my son. he's the best. but he's wearing me out. this may sound horrible, but I'm a little tired of the baby phase. maybe it's because he's so fussy lately with all his gassiness. we're trying a different "lactofree" formula, but he doesnt eat nearly as much of the new kind, so he doesnt sleep nearly as long. therefore, we're all a little more cranky these days.
I've heard stories from friends who have had babies that screamed nonstop. thankfully Caleb isnt quite like that, because I honestly dont think we could handle it with Michelle's health issues and whatnot.
these are the things I feel at 4am, when he's only eaten a little bit and is screaming with gassiness and tiredness. but around 8am, when he gives me a smile, somehow it's all a little better. I still worry what all this struggle in his little life might be doing to him as he grows. I cant protect him from all the struggles of this world, but I can hold him and comfort him and love him.
yet I find myself wanting so badly to "raise him right" and make things good for him, as if I can give him such an upbringing that he wont need Jesus. yes, somewhere in my heart, I think I CAN save my son. yikes.
he will be baptised a week from sunday, where we will claim God's covenant promises to us and to Caleb. if only I could remember His promises to us, even at 4am, even amid the crying and screaming. and now I realize a bit more how much of a little baby I really am, and how perfectly my Daddy loves me.
Posted by bobw at October 14, 2004 12:37 PM
Becoming a parent was such a beautiful revelation to me about God's patience and the depth of his love for us.
You can get chamomile in homeopathic tiny tablet form. It's a safe pain-reliever that also helps with the gas. My doctor recommends and I use Boiron (http://www.boiron.com/index_en.htm). It's helped ease Gid's teething issues. Check this out if you care to. http://www.vitaminshoppe.com/browse/sku_detail.jhtml;$sessionid$HNU5EA4MRJXPMCQUAOYCM4QKCQB00GXK?SkuID=10623&BreadCrumbType=SearchResult#prodInfo
What you said doesn't sound horrible at all, not to any honest parent of an infant. (Fortunately my pastor shared this bit of truth with me -- I was kind of afraid no one else felt the same way.) I had the same thoughts when Bailey was that young, and she still wears me out sometimes. She still screams her head off when she's too tired or too hungry, and it's frustrating. But like you said, one smile is all it takes.
In actuality trusting God with my life has been much easier than trusting him with my childrens lives. Thankfully I can't make heaven on earth (although I like to try), but I can work at teaching my children to deal with pain and fallenness with grace, patience, and trust. Oh, the things God teaches us through marriage and children. Don't forget that they grow SO quickly. (Even though it may not feel like it in the moment.) Don't worry, he won't be up screaming with gas until he moves out for college! :o)
Our son could take any kind of formula on the market. Name brand...generic...it didn't matter. Our daughter, on the other hand, had a penchant for spitting up constantly. When we switched her to a lactose free formula it was like day versus night. We then noticed another big improvement going from powdered formula to liquid formula. Keep experimenting.
Also, I totally understand the other frustrations you are experiencing. I remember feeling like a walking zombie [sometimes an angry walking zombie]. You already know this, but it will get better.
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