christmas adventures

The dog and I arrived two days after Michelle's flight, and the holiday cheer commenced. It was in fact one of the oddest holidays I've experienced: a strange mixture of brand new joy at our unexpected blessing and concern over Michelle's wildly unpredictable health and well-being. In short, she was sick for most of our time there. At worst, she threw up many times a day, and at best she was able to eat only basic things like oatmeal and grapefruit. As Michelle's sister is also pregnant (with twins!) and is dealing with similar issues, there wasn't much of a Christmas dinner, but no one seemed to mind.

There were definitely a few classic pregnancy moments during the trip. I think it was the night I arrived that Michelle got an uncontrollable craving for pizza. So we ordered a couple and Michelle promptly ate four pieces. This may not seem entirely unusual, but she has to be very careful with her diet due to her severe hypoglycemia, so she hasn't had pizza for years. Clearly this was thrown to the wind. She even had a fifth piece before dinner and two more for lunch the next day. But she paid for it that day especially as her metabolism bottomed out. And then there was the day where she could keep nothing down besides water, which is the leading culprit of her loss of about 15 pounds. Her illness caused the two of us to miss one extended family gathering, but overall she was able to enjoy time with family depite her sickness.

I had a strange sense of anxiety and anticipation about telling my family. They still do not know, as we're planning on telling my parents this week when they stop by after their visit with Herm and Judi in Blairsville. So I would lie awake at night, thinking about what and how we're going to tell them, and then of course during Chistmas calling them up and NOT telling them was more than difficult. We've decided that we're not going to the Bahamas with them, so we'll have to sort all that out when they come. We cannot imagine that my sister will be able to have the getaway that this whole trip is intended to provide if we're there, pregnant and excited. Of course we feel terrible that they've spent so much on this for us, but I have the feeling that they won't really mind in the long run.

I was usually in take-care-of-wife mode for the time that we were there. When she was napping I would read a book or sometimes play with Casey. Now and then I appreciated the opportunity to take the dog for a walk, feeling like the cousins at parties that would smoke out back: partly to smoke, partly to escape the madness for a few minutes. But I tried to be helpful in the kitchen, at least until Michelle's mom was on the scene, when I felt it was safer to fall into relax/lazy mode. Even then I did my best to tend to Michelle's needs, whether it was mixing apple sauce and yogurt or flushing it down the toilet after it came back up in one of many strategically placed bowls. Of course I would sieze the opportunity to mount my high horse: "See, this is how a good husband takes care of his wife..." Oh Lord, humble me. Once again we've vacated your Word and time with You on our vacation. Bring us back to yourself!

I don't think I slept soundly one night over the visit. Add that to the usual antsiness and irritiation of being in someone else's house for longer than a week, and we were ready to go home. Yet I don't want to be unthankful for such a good time away. Christmas day was a lot of fun as was spending time with her exetended family. Her grandfather and step-grandmother are so spunky even as they're pushing 90. And it was good to relax and forget about most of the usual everyday pressures, as well as getting to know everyone a bit more. The dog and Casey got along amazingly well, which a was a huge blessing. The cats were another matter, but there were only a few extended outbursts there. Even still we left for home a day early, and instead of stopping as planned, we made the 750 miles in a bit over 11 hours. And we were so thankful for our home. We haven't been away that long from this house, and being somewhere else made us so thankful for all that we have been given here. And it made us realize how far set we are in our ways. May God grant us flexibility and patience in the days ahead.

After thinking so many baby thoughts for a couple of weeks, it makes me remember my attitude before we were married: I thought we had it figured out, and all that was left was the living. Thankfully that foolish dream was burst rather quickly. Yet I find myself there again. I read the books and think about what being a parent might be like and think: we can do this, we've got it figured out, so bring it on. I'm sure I'm wrong, yet I don't know how to shake that haughty attitude that obviously hasn't been purged yet. I believe the friends that tell me that kids are a much bigger change than marriage was, so it seems I'm in for an even greater awakening. May God grant me humility and reliance upon Him.

In a few minutes it will officially be my 27th birthday. Outside the wind is raging. Inside I'm not as stormy as I usually am this time of year. Perhaps it's because I'm too excited to be a father to bother with my standard petty "it's another year and what have you done" depression. I may have a bit of that in me still, but the wonder, fear and joy of it all have me in a swirl. I'm taking off of work tomorrow, and health permitting we're hoping to at the very least sit down and write down some hopes, dreams and goals for our family. I pray that God will give us strength, humility and love as we look to the future. Yet more than anything right now, I pray that our children will know and love Jesus from childhood and serve Him well all of their days. Of course I still have other hopes and fears, but if and when all else fades away, I pray that I will be with my children and their children in heaven, praising Jesus together forever. Oh Lord, be faithful to your covenant promises.